We know the world only through the window of our mind. When our mind is noisy, the world is as well.
And when our mind is peaceful, the world is, too. Knowing our minds is
just as important as trying to change the world.
I squeeze myself into the subway car. People are crowded all around me. I can either get annoyed
or think it's fun that I don't have to grab a handrail.
People react differently to the same situation
.
If we look at it more closely,
we see it's not the situation that is troubling us,
but our perspective on it.
Tornadoes are terrifying not just because of the wind,
Tsunamis are frightening not just because of the water, but also because of the objects hurled at us by the water.
but also because of the objects uprooted and thrown by the wind. We feel unhappy not just because something bad has happened, but also because of the swirling thoughts about what happened.
When you have an unpleasant feeling, don't grab hold of it and turn it over and over.
Instead, leave it alone so it can flow.
The wave of emotion will naturally recede on its own
as long as you don't feed it by dwelling on it.
To get food unstuck from a frying pan,
just pour water in the pan and wait.
After a while the food loosens on its own.
Don't struggle to heal your wounds.
Just pour time into your heart and wait.
When your wounds are ready,
they will heal on their own.
If we know how to be content,
we can relax our endless striving and welcome serenity. If we know how to be content,
we can enjoy the time we have with the person next to us. If we know how to be content,
we can make peace with our past and let go of our baggage.
If you've been unable to change a bad situation, even after many attempts,
you should change how you look at the situation.
Nothing is intrinsically good or bad.
Good or bad is always relative. Compare your situation with someone's that is worse.
Now yours does not seem so bad after all.
When you are stressed out, be aware of your stress.
When you are irritated, be aware of your irritation. When you are angry, be aware of your anger. As soon as you become aware of these feelings
you are no longer lost in them.
Your awareness allows you to witness them from the outside.
Awareness is inherently pure, like the open sky.
Stress, irritation, and anger can temporarily cloud the sky,
but they can never pollute it.
Negative emotions come and go like clouds,
but the wide-open sky remains.
Like toxins slowly filling our bodies,
if anger, despair, or sorrow accumulate in our hearts, we have to do something about it.
Exercise, talk to your mentor, meditate on loving-kindness. As we begin to make the effort, the toxins start to lose their grip.
Do memories cause you pain?
Practice being in the present moment.
Turn your attention to the here and now.
Notice that your thoughts subside when you focus on the present. As your thoughts quiet, so, too, the memories. Because memories are, in essence, thoughts. When you leave work for the day, if you find yourself asking,
Do I have to live my whole life like this?"
Then try the following:
Wake up a little earlier the next morning, and sit in silence, as if in meditation.
Breathe in deeply and slowly,
and ask yourself how your work is helping others, regardless of how insignificantly or indirectly.
As you focus more on others,
you can reconnect with the meaning and purpose of your work.
A very modern dilemma:
There are countless television channels
but nothing interesting to watch.
Too many choices make people unhappy.
Are you feeling confused or conflicted?
Allow yourself a good night's sleep.
When you wake up the next day, the problem will seem lighter. It works, truly.
If you would like to sleep more peacefully,
as you lay your head on on your pillow,
think of the people whom you are grateful to,
or the times you helped others and felt good about yourself. It will warm your heart, gifting you with more peaceful sleep.
With love in our hearts,
we find even the most mundane things sacred and beautiful. With love in our hearts,
we become kinder and gentler, even to complete strangers. Without love in our hearts
we find the world meaningless and random. Without love in our hearts,
we become strangers even to our family and friends.
When we are open to others,
we dare to be vulnerable and honest.
When we have goodwill toward others, we intend to be happy and connected. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and say,
"May my friends and acquaintances be loved and protected!"
With those words, you, too, will feel loved and protected.
When we are comfortable with ourselves
and have accepted ourselves wholly,
others will find us approachable
and will like us for who we are.
I wish you could see my true nature. Beyond my body and labels,
there is a river of tenderness and vulnerability. Beyond stereotypes and assumptions,
there is a valley of openness and authenticity. Beyond memory and ego,
there is an ocean of awareness and compassion.
The wise do not fight the world. In the most relaxed and playful manner, they simply embody the truth that they are one with it.
On a piece of paper, write down everything that stresses you out. List everything you ought to do, including minor things watering plants, replying to e-mails.
The stresses are now contained on a piece of paper, away from your mind. So, relax tonight.
Tell yourself you will go through the list tomorrow, item by item, starting with the easiest.
When you open your eyes the next morning,
your mind and body will be ready.
I can guarantee that.
Don't give up in the face of criticism.
Learn to brush aside what people who don't know you have to say.
Having critics means what you're doing is getting people's attention.
Have courage, and continue down the path you're on.
Life teaches us through our mistakes.
When you make a mistake,
simply ask yourself what you were meant to learn from it.
When we accept such lessons with humility and gratitude,
we grow that much more.
else.
To be happy, it's not necessary to expend great effort so we get somewhere
Instead, relax into the present moment while finding humor in your life. With humor, life becomes light and leisurely.
And laughter always brings people to experience openness and joy.
*
Humor opens closed hearts.
Humor can free us from the grip of our thoughts. When we smile, we feel we can accept things we previously could not.
We feel we can forgive those who have wronged us. Humor is an essential part of life.
When we are joyful, our heart opens up to new things. When we are in a bad mood, we can't be open to new things, no matter how wonderful they are. Without joy in our heart,
our progress in life is slow and uninteresting.
Those who work in a playful, relaxed manner tend to work efficiently and creatively.
Those who work nonstop, driven only by stress, work without joy.
To keep doing your work for a long time,
do not treat it as just work.
View it as a source of enjoyment and growth.
The road to happiness lies not just in finding a good job, but also in learning to enjoy what you are asked to do.
*
Do you feel unsettled or depressed?
Then look at a child's sleeping face for one minute.
You will soon feel ripples of peace.
A family takes a walk amid fallen autumn leaves. Dad lifts up his five-year-old son, and the boy showers him with kisses. Mom watches with a smile on her face. If we take time to look around,
we see ourselves surrounded by lovely moments.
Would you like to make your child happy?
Then get off work a little early today.
Wait for vour child in front of school.
Horse around together on the playground.
Let your child choose where to go for dinner. And shower your child with your loving attention. On your way home, pick up ice cream for the family. Your child will remember this day forever.
Before your children are all grown,
travel as frequently as you can as a family. Although we see our family every day, we don't really get to be with one another. A change in environment can do wonders
and can bring families closer.
What makes music beautiful is
A good family trip can prevent divorce.
the distance between one note and another. What makes speech eloquent is the appropriate pause between words.
From time to time we should take a breath
and notice the silence between sounds.
When you have to make an important decision,
don't lose sleep over it.
Just take the special medicine called "time" and wait. Your subconscious will search for the answer.
Two days later, or three,
the answer will dawn on you
as you are waking up, taking a shower, or talking to a friend.
Put faith in your subconscious mind and give yourself time.
If something goes wrong,
we often turn inward and blame ourselves.
But is it really our fault?
For example, if I were James Taylor
and someone were looking for Pavarotti,
then naturally I wouldn't be chosen.
But this does not mean I lack musical talent.
It means only that I am not the right match.
So be more confident, and please stop beating yourself up.
Even if you are having just a bowl of cereal for dinner, eat it with the loving attitude of nourishing yourself. Isn't it tiring to constantly have to care for your body? Pat yourself on the back for the hard work you are doing.
Then go to bed one hour earlier
as a gift to your body.
Do you have something on your mind?
Then take a walk in the sun.
Under the warmth of the sun,
your brain will release serotonin, which calms the mind.
If you let your mind linger on the question without trying too hard to find the solution,
an answer will emerge on its own.
nobody can meet that need to your complete satisfaction.
If you keep hoping to be comforted by others, you can feel weighed down by that need. If you have a constant need to be heard,
Rather than always seeking comfort from others, offer your comfort and listen to others. In the process of helping,
you will be healed.
Instead of a lottery ticket,
buy some flowers for yourself and your family.
If you buy flowers and place them in the living room,
you will feel like a winner every time
and find abundant beauty
whenever you pass by the living room.
Has something disappointed you?
Has something made you sad?
It's the school of life trying to teach you an important lesson. When you feel ready, take the time to understand the lesson.
The world will keep turning even without you. Let go of the idea that your way is the only way, that you are the only one who can make it happen. The more grateful we feel, the happier we become.
This is because gratitude helps us realize we are all connected. Nobody feels like an island when feeling grateful.
Gratitude awakens us to the truth of our interdependent nature.
If you genuinely care for others and look for ways to help others succeed,
you won't need to look for ways to boost your mood. A selfless and kind act will lift your spirit and self-worth.
If you are having a bad day, see if you can find a way to help someone else. Even a small gesture of help will make you feel better.
If you want revenge because your feelings are hurt,
all you can see is your own suffering. But if you calm yourself and look more deeply, you will see that the person who hurt you is suffering, too.
In the chambers of our heart,
we have two tenants living side by side:
Adolf Hitler and Mother Teresa.
When we are overcome by insecurity and fear,
we feel the inner workings of Hitler. When we are in touch with love and connection, we hear the gentle voice of Mother Teresa.
We lose interest in movies or TV series
in which good characters are always good and bad ones are always bad. This does not match up to reality.
No person is always good or bad.
"No person can be found
Who has been, is, or will be
Only criticized
Or only praised."
-THE DHAMMAPADA*
A moral purist who is quick to judge others
often fails to see the flaws within himself.
When someone criticizes another,
you might think he deserves it.
But if you look more closely,
you'll see that the critic is complaining because he did not get his way. So do not be so easily swayed.
When you attack someone,
it is often because you are afraid.
A friend starts talking ill of someone you don't like, and you agree wholeheartedly. But then you can't help but wonder, "When I'm not around, does she speak ill of me too
Gossip can be cathartic in the moment,
but it travels fast and can bite you back.
*
*
The reason you regard me as pure and compassionate is that you are pure and compassionate yourself.
When people who don't know you well admire you, they are seeing their projected illusion, not your real self. In contrast, when people who know you well respect you, it is probably because you deserve it.
Some ask if swallowing your pride is conceding defeat.
I don't think so. Humility is a sign of inner strength and wisdom. When you swallow your pride, real communication becomes possible. We can finally hear each other and eventually solve our problems.
When someone tells you, "No,"
don't react emotionally and lose control.
Your boss asks you to run an errand that has little to do with your job.
"No" may open up a surprising new world to you. "No" may unexpectedly lead you to good people. If you begin to push back against the unchangeable "No," you will suffer in the process and miss other opportunities.
Rather than getting annoyed, just do it and let it go. Do not turn something trivial into a major source of agony by wasting time and energy thinking about it endlessly.
If I had to summarize the entirety of most people's lives in a few words, it would be endless resistance to what is. As we resist, we are in constant motion trying to adjust, and yet we still remain unhappy about what is.
If I had to summarize the entirety of an enlightened person's life in a few words,
it would be complete acceptance of what is.
As we accept what is, our minds are relaxed and composed while the world changes rapidly around us. Do not try to control those around you. When you cannot control even your own mind, what makes you think you can control others?
Things I liked when I was young but now couldn't care less about:
Airplane rides, all-you-can-eat buffets, horror movies, staying up all night. Things I enjoy now that I am older:
Mozart, brown rice, meditation, spending time alone, regular exercise. We change without realizing it. We are in the midst of change even now.
Evaluating the present through the memories of the past can cause sadness. Whether you like it or not, change is inevitable.
Embrace and welcome it.
Do not lament that the world has changed. Do not resent that people have changed.
Whether it is an object, a thought, or a feeling, if it has emerged out of emptiness, it will soon change its form and eventually retreat back to emptiness. Seekers in search of the eternal Truth
must look beyond its impermanent nature and
become aware of "that" which knows impermanence.
*
The monk most venerated by other monks is not the one who appears most holy,
preaches the best,
runs the largest temple,
most accurately predicts the future,
has the ability to cure illness.
He is the one who teaches through his own actions. He possesses no aura of self-importance,
and sacrifices himself first for the community.
Spirituality must be practiced
not just in solitude but also among people.
Open up to people around you and feel connected.
This is the true challenge of spiritual practice.
If you are sincere about reaching enlightenment, you can learn even from a child,
or from the person who insults you on the street.
The entire world becomes your teacher.
*
The person leading you toward spiritual awakening
is not the one who praises you or is nice to you.
Your spirituality deepens because of those who insult you and give you a hard time. They are your spiritual teachers in disguise.
How can you tell if someone is truly enlightened?
Shower him with both praise and criticism.
If he shows signs of being susceptible to either, then it means he has forgotten his enlightened nature.
Our emotions are capricious, like the weather in London. One minute, when someone criticizes us, we are offended and furious. The next minute, when someone praises us, we feel proud and pompous.
Unless we recognize the still point beneath the surface of our changing emotions,
Someone advanced in spiritual practice has the following attitude. In a large community, she lives as though she is alone. She minds her own business without meddling in others'. When alone, she acts as though she is in a large community.
She follows her regimen without sliding into laziness.
A great spiritual teacher can wait for her students to mature. She feels no need to boast of or prove her enlightenment. She neither imposes her teachings nor asks students to follow her exclusively.
She lets her students be so they can grow on their own.
When a deep, honest conversation makes us feel connected to someone, we become very happy.
The same deep connection with ourselves is possible by wholly accepting who we are and realizing the enlightened nature of ourselves.
This, too, is a source of incomparable happiness and freedom
it is swayed by the heavy winds of the world.
But when the mind faces inward, we can find our center and rest in stillness.
People ask: "How can I clear my head when I meditate? The more I try, the more my thoughts seem to arise."
This is completely natural-because trying to clear your head is also a thought.
Do not try to get rid of your thoughts-it won't work. Instead, witness the emergence of a thought. Witness the disappearance of a thought.
The moment you become aware of it,
the mind quiets and becomes clear.
We like to talk about things external to ourselves
because our minds are accustomed to flowing out into the world.
Spiritual practitioners, however, reverse the flow and look inward.
They stop talking about external matters
and train themselves to become intimate with the mind.
+
Of all the words that pour out of our mouths every day,
how many are really ours,
and how many are borrowed from others? How often do we say something original?
Is there such a thing as our own words anyway?
Within each of us, there is an inner witness
quietly observing what goes on inside and outside of us.
Born from a place of silence and wisdom, even when the world churns up a storm of emotions, the witness sits calmly in the eve of the storm,
unharmed, luminous, and all-knowing.
.If you wish to clear away the clouds of your thoughts,
simply keep your mind in the present.
The clouds of thought linger only in the past or the future. Bring your mind to the present, and your thoughts will rest.
Rather than repeating,
"It is awful! It is awful!"
stare straight into the awful feeling.
Quietly.
Examine the feeling.
Can you see its impermanent nature?
Let the feeling leave when it says it wants to go.
Everything in this universe is evanescent.
Because it is evanescent, it is also precious.
Spend this precious moment wisely and beautifully.
See if you can think two thoughts at exactly the same time.
Well? Is it possible?
The mind cannot have two thoughts at once.
We can be consumed by anger for a long time without realizing we have been angry. Similarly, we are easily lost in thought without knowing we have been thinking. Even when we are awake
we are no different from a sleepwalker.
We do things without the awareness of doing them. Just because our eyes are open does not mean we are awake.
Being awake means that
you know what is happening within your field of awareness.
Rather than blindly following your thoughts and feelings, stay awake and recognize the state of your mind before it is too late.
At mealtimes, we often do not realize how much we've eaten until we stand up.
Spiritual practice is all about being mindful of each moment.
If you are aware in the moment that your stomach is getting full, then you are spiritually advanced.
Our consciousness often does not know what our subconscious wants. We think we want something, but when we get it, we realize we wanted something else.
When you wish to hear the voice of your subconscious, try meditation. Meditation opens a secret path to your subconscious.
Our consciousness may desire money, power, and prestige,
but our subconscious desires selfless love.
harmony, humor, beauty, sacredness, peace, and acceptance.
When we listen to silence, we can hear subtle vibrations.
While listening to the vibrations, ask a simple question:
What is it that is listening?
There is no listener.
There is only listening.
"When I gaze upon water, I become water.
When I look at a flower, I become the flower.
The flower riding on the water, yippee!" -ZEN MASTER SEO-ONG (1912-2003) When our bodies are fit and healthy, we feel light, almost like air. But just because we feel light does not mean our bodies are not there.
It takes a lot of effort for our fitness to appear natural and effortless.
But just because it appears effortless does not mean that no effort was made.
What we call our "spirit" or "enlightened nature" exists like air, so light and natural that we are not aware of it, unless we train ourselves to be mindful of it. A long time ago,
there was only one mind,
which became bored by being alone for so long.
So it decided to split into two.
But since the two knew they were originally one,
playing together was not much fun
as if playing both sides of a chess game.
So the two minds agreed to forget where they came from; they pretended not to know each other.
As time passed, they also forgot about their agreement.
They forgot they were actually one and the same. This is the condition of our existence.
We forget that we are originally from one mind.
When an enlightened person transcends the duality of you and me, she sees life as one long play.
This is why she remains humorous and lighthearted.
She plays her role but never forgets it is a performance.
Life is like theater. You are assigned a role. If you don't like the role,
keep in mind that you have the power to re-create the role you want.
The toll of a bell is heard far and wide only when the bell is struck hard.
It is important that you work hard,
Your influence won't spread far without the sacrifice of hard work.
The world notices your efforts more quickly than you think.
but don't be enamored of the feeling of working hard. If you are drunk on that feeling, then you care less about the actual work than about how you appear to others to be working hard. *
The most dangerous people
are those who have passion but lack wisdom.
If you want to predict how a politician will act after winning an election, look at how he currently lives and how he has behaved in the past.
A person does not live the way he says he would. He lives the way he has been living.
Historically, the people who bring about change in society tend to be not the middle-aged but the passionate youth. Their hearts are sensitive to the plight of the oppressed. Their spirits stand tall against injustice and fight for the voiceless.
Hold on to that youthful heart and spirit no matter how old you are. Everyone is kind to someone they meet for the first time.
The question is how long their kindness lasts.
Don't be fooled just because someone is nice to you at first.
When hiring, look beyond skills and experience to see if the candidate knows how to enjoy her job. People who enjoy their work are usually more successful than those who don't.
No matter what we do,
the top button of our business must be fastened properly.
If we think, "I'll just do it this way for now and fix it later,"
it usually does not happen,
because later we may not have the motivation to fix it, or we just get used to the way it is.
It is like moving into a house and deciding to fix it up over time.
Even after many years, we never get around to fixing it up. We end up just living with the way things are for a long time. Someone thinks, "I'll study hard so I can get into a prestigious college."
Someone else thinks, "I'll study hard so I can teach my sister,
who cannot attend school because my family cannot afford to send her." Although they both have the same determination to study hard,
their motivations are quite different.
A vow to help others can summon immense energy from within.
This is why people take the Bodhisattva vows to save all sentient beings before embarking on a journey of spiritual enlightenment.
When you are making a decision, try to assess how many people it will
benefit.
*
If it satisfies only your ego and unnecessarily hurts many, then it is the wrong decision.
Be the kind of person who can put yourself in someone else's shoes and understand something not just from your own perspective
but from theirs as well.
Are you trying to get closer to someone?
Is it because you want something from him?
If you wish to be truly close, then discard your ulterior motives. When you are genuinely kind, without an agenda,
then others will more readily open up to you.
Some people are generous and kind to those outside their circle while neglecting the needs of those within it.
It is a mistake to take family and close colleagues for granted.
When those closest to you feel ignored and betrayed,
everything you have built can collapse in an instant.
*
A large boulder is an example to us
of how to stay true and not to waver
even when waves of praise or criticism rush over us
Instead of being the smartest person in the room, quick to critique others, be the warmhearted friend, bringing people together and sharing things. Be the sensitive neighbor, capable of feeling the suffering of others.
If I want to convince someone,
I first listen attentively and try to understand them.
Even if I am right, they won't be convinced until they feel heard and respected.
Many conflicts in our lives can be resolved if we put ourselves in the other person's shoes. Try to look at things from her point of view.
If you consider only your side, you are no different from a child.
If you get angry while debating right and wrong, your enraged voice has just conceded defeat.
Being a critic is easy.
But if the critic tries to run the operation,
he soon understands that nothing is as easy as his criticisms.
Criticism without a solution is merely an inflation of the critic's ego.
When you hear something that makes your blood boil, don't shoot off a text or an e-mail right away. A wise person sleeps on it.
An instant emotional reaction often leads to a regrettable outcome. It is easy to make people feel special.
People usually prefer talking to listening.
Ask many open-ended questions and listen with genuine interest. They will feel flattered by your attention, and even like you.
A powerful person is often surrounded by only yes-men, helping their boss feel important and exceptional. If the people around you always agree with you, they are probably opportunists, not loyalists.
When a question has both a long, complicated, but logical-sounding answer and a simple answer that can be understood by even a child,
the right answer is usually the simple one.
When you ask a question
and there is no response,
then that is the answer.
There are only those who know their shortcomings
and those who do not.
Nobody is perfect.
Everyone has shortcomings.
If someone looks perfect,
then that is because you don't know the person very well.
*
"Don't try to make it perfect. Instead, make it interesting!"
AN INTERIOR DESIGNER'S ADVICE
Do you want to be happy,
or do you want to appear happy?
Never mind what the world tells you to do to be happy. Be truthful to yourself and discover what you really want.
Choose happiness, not success, as your life's goal.
If you become successful but aren't happy, then what is the point?
There are those who want to become successful
in order to thumb their noses at the people who looked down on them.
What do you do after proving that they were wrong? If you want to truly succeed, don't use anyone else's yardstick. Meaningful praise is from someone in the same field as you. It is worth praise from ten or more people outside your field.
Professionals have their talents and areas of expertise. If a client tries to control and monitor every detail,
the professional cannot work at full capacity and feels inhibited. If you want the best result, watch with interest but know when to back off.
*
A veteran doctor, lawyer, or accountant won't necessarily provide better service
than the passionate young professional who has been in the field only a few years.
The amount of attention you get is often more important
than the professional's illustrious career history. After mastering eighteen levels of kung fu, you can hurt someone with the flick of a finger. But if you go on to master all thirty-six levels,
you choose to retreat when the weak foolishly come to fight.
Are you moving up? Are you doing well?
Then see whether you are succeeding at the expense of others, or along with others.
If you shove others aside on the way to success,
then you will be pulled under once the tide changes.
Do you often feel lonely at work or in school?
Perhaps your heart is closed off to those around you.
"I don't get her."
"I'm better than her."
"We're on different wavelengths."
If you think this way, how could you not be lonely? Open your heart, and have a cup of coffee with her. You will soon see that she is not that different from you.
When you open up about your hurt and sorrow, I feel grateful that you've turned to me for support.
It's as though I am meeting you in the most sacred chamber of your heart. Politicians always say what sounds good.
But what they say does not always resonate with us
because their words are coming from their head, not from their heart.
Speak from your heart, which is tender, simple, and true.
People will understand you, and like you.
If you think you are either superior or inferior to someone,
an invisible wall goes up between you.
Treat him like an old friend you haven't seen in a while.
When you let your guard down, so will he.
The end of a sushi roll, with the filling sticking out, is often tastier than a piece sliced neatly from the middle. Someone slick and well-put-together can come across as cold and alienating, while an average guy without pretense is more genuine and attractive.
Do you know why that conversation is so boring?
Because we are trapped in politeness, unable to speak from the heart.
Any conversation can become interesting and lively
as soon as we start speaking with real honesty.
When someone swears at you,
stay calm and collected for thirty seconds.
Then, that is the end of it.
But if you fight back and demand,
"What is your problem?"
you will have to spend more time with that unhappy person.
People say hurtful things because they themselves have been hurt.
When you encounter someone prickly and malicious, think about what kind of miserable situation he must be in. If he is too much, and you don't have time, just whisper, "Bless you," and move on
When you criticize someone, see if you are doing so out of envy. Your criticism reveals more about yourself than you realize. Even if you are correct, people still may find you unappealing.
If you wish to communicate effectively with others,
better to describe what you are feeling rather than go on the offensive.
For instance, say, "I am very sad to hear that,"
not, "Why do you always make me sad?"
You want people to hear you rather than have to defend themselves from you.
When you are disappointed, don't wait too long to say so. When you bottle up your feelings, the river of emotion swells, making it difficult to cross over and speak calmly.
Do you have a lot of enemies?
Then be humble and stop speaking ill of people. Those who do not make enemies are more powerful than those who have the strength to fight them all and win.
The noise from a motorcycle assaults the driver more than anyone. The driver has only himself to blame
when he is old and can't hear anything.
When you speak ill of others,
it hurts you more than anyone-
because your negativity is loudest within you. No matter how hurt you are, you don't need to have the last word. The last word can obliterate even the good memories.
Although things have changed,
is it necessary to discard all your memories, especially the happy ones?
When blinded by anger, we make choices we later regret.
Leaving the room before the bridge is burned is a sign of maturity.
The best way to get even with someone who has left you
is to meet someone new and become happy again.
Plotting for revenge and remaining jealous after many years
is a formula for endless misery.
He complains about her behind her back.
She, without knowing anything, approaches him and says the kindest words. The best revenge is love.
Even the most beautiful music gets tiresome if I listen to it constantly. But if I listen to it after some time away, it becomes wonderful again. The problem is not the music itself. It is my relationship with it.
Even my best friend gets annoying if I am with her for too long.
But if I see her after a break, she is wonderful again.
The trouble is not the person. It is my relationship with her. There is a saying in an early Buddhist scripture:
"Paper wrapped around incense smells of incense, and string binding fish smells of fish
Whether we like it or not,
we naturally become influenced by our surroundings. Ask yourself, "Who do I want to emulate? Is that person physically or mentally nearby?"
If we help someone in the hope of getting something in return, this is not giving but lending.
True giving is done without expecting anything in return.
It also means we relinquish control over what we have given.
When conversation turns to someone's flaws,
try not to participate and gently redirect the conversation.
When we speak too much, it is easy to speak ill of someone. So when you feel talkative, just be mindful.
When you are asked to do something, determine if vou can do it.
If you cannot, then decline as soon as possible,
the way in a restaurant you would send back the wrong order.
If you don't send it back immediately, you will have to pay for it.
There is a reason people flock to certain individuals. They are warm, nurturing, and magnanimous.
They are generous with their time, money, and compliments. If you try to lead people only by stressing rules and principles, they will leave you, one by one.
A good leader knows this, and thus tries to cultivate virtue.
According to the wise Confucian scholar Jeong Yak-yong (1762-1836):
"The best way to hide your wealth is to give it away. If you are generous with your wealth, the money that would have disappeared sooner or later
becomes an everlasting jewel, deeply engraved in the heart of the recipient." The air I inhale enters my body and becomes part of me.
The air that I exhale moves into someone else and becomes part of her.
Just by looking at how the air moves, we realize we are all connected to one another, not just figuratively but also literally.
"Whether we like it or not, we are all connected,
and it is unthinkable to be happy all by oneself."
-HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA*
The whole universe is contained in an apple wedge in a lunch box.
Apple tree, sunlight, cloud, rain, earth, air, farmer's sweat are all in it.
Delivery truck, gas, market, money, cashier's smile are all in it.
Refrigerator, knife, cutting board, mother's love are all in it.
Everything in the whole universe depends on one another.
Now, think about what exists in you.
The whole universe is in us.
When we hate someone,
we think about him a lot.
Unable to let him go,
we gradually begin to act like him.
Don't let him become a long-term tenant of the heart. Evict him right away with a notice of forgiveness.
Does the person you hate
deserve to be carried around in your heart? Keep in your heart only those who love you. If you carry around with you people you hate,
it causes only angst and depression. * In your relationships,
assume you will need to give more than you receive. We remember so well what we have done for others but easily forget what others have done for us.
Even if you feel you are owed a little,
it's likely you have received close to what you have given. Seeing that I am a monk,
some people put their palms together in greeting,
and I involuntarily do the same. Some nod,
and I involuntarily do the same.
Humans are like mirrors:
We reflect each other.
When a wise person wants something from others,
she first does what she desires from them,
exemplifying rather than asking for it.
If you want a friend to remember your birthday, remember hers first.
If you want your husband to give you a massage, give him a massage first.
If you want your children to watch less TV, turn off your TV first.
Don't just wait for what you want to happen. Act first.
The wise man ducks his head
when someone swings at him.
If he swings back just because he was swung at,
he will be seen as the aggressor and fail to win people's hearts. Although it may seem unjust,
refraining from reacting out of anger shows true character. People turn sullen over a trivial emotional matter, and then attack the person later
with an unrelated but logical-sounding pretext.
When you lower yourself, the world elevates you. When you elevate yourself, the world lowers you.
When you arrive at the peak of enlightenment,
you will understand:
Your peak is the same height as your neighbor's. At the peak, you see everyone's holiness.
When you keep clashing with someone,
it may be the world's way of asking you to look closely at yourself.
When you don't like someone, try to figure out what it is you don't like; see whether you have a similar flaw within yourself.
The flaw that you immediately notice in someone you meet
is probably a flaw of yours, too.
If you didn't have it,
you wouldn't have noticed it so quickly.
No one is inherently good or bad.
Only the circumstance in which we encounter each other is good or bad.
A criminal who happens to stop a car from running over me
is an angel sent by God.
A Nobel Peace Prize winner who happens to bump into me on the subway is a jerk.
In a gathering of seven or eight people,
we will surely meet one or two who like us a lot and one or two who are not that fond of us.
Don't take it personally; this is just the way of the world.
Let people have their own opinions- they are entitled to them.
It is when you want to change their opinion problems arise. This is not only impossible and futile but also unnecessary.
How boring would the world be if everyone thought exactly the same way?
When you grant people freedom, you will find yours, too.
What is the use of someone carrying a designer handbag
when her behavior lacks the same refinement?
The more you try to change your spouse, children, or friends, the more difficult and strained your relationships become.
People do not change easily,
unless they suffer tremendous hardship or have a life-altering experience.
I was once told by a Buddhist master that
there are two kinds of children in the world:
those born to repay the kindness of their parents,
and those born only to take what their parents have.
Ask yourself:
Which kind of a son or daughter are you to your parents? When you think your spouse won't change
and you worry how you will live the rest of your life together,
ask yourself:
Am I perfect in my spouse's eyes?
*
When faced with a problem in a relationship, it will never be solved
if you begin by asking, "Why can't he understand me?" or "Why won't he just do what I say?"
It is because this approach begins with a demand. Instead, begin by asking,
"What is it that makes him unhappy and feel misunderstood?"
or "What past experience is making him respond in this way?" When you begin with the intention of understanding him, your heart is released from the prison of your views
and opens up to feel his pain.
People who easily ignore others do so because they are afraid of being ignored.
*
Why can't you trust that friend?
Because you know all too well
that you, too, are capable of lying
in a similar circumstance.
What makes us truly happy
is meeting someone who accepts us for who we are. Even if we are successful,
we can still feel inadequate and insecure
if we are made to believe that something is wrong with us. According to some psychologists,
happiness can be assessed with two simple questions.
First, do you find meaning in your work?
Second, do you have good relationships with those around you?
Are you lonely because you are alone?
According to the Talmud,
every blade of grass has an angel who protects it.
The angels whisper to each blade,
"Grow! Grow!"
If even a blade of grass has an angel,
wouldn't each of us as well? If you feel lonely,
think of the angel on your shoulder
and be grateful that you are cared for.
A mosquito has been in my room for the last two days,
and it still hasn't bitten me.
Okay, let us live together.
We must share some karmic affinity.
We live among countless relations:
family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. Life is good when these relationships are good. Being happy by yourself doesn't last long.
For spiritual practitioners,
relationships are the final test.
Even if you have awakened to your enlightened nature, there is still further to go in your spiritual journey if you're not living harmoniously with others.
If you look for love, in pursuit of what it can give you, it will hide itself.
If you ask love to arrive because you are now ready,
it will skip your door.
Love is like an uninvited guest.
Love will come when it wants to.
Love will leave when you ask more of it.
If you attempt to find a love that meets certain criteria,
your new love may also make certain demands of you.
Drop your demands quickly when love knocks on your door.
Love is warm and freeing.
It is innocent, like a child
without a hidden agenda.
We can determine how close we are to someone by asking, "Can I act like a little kid in front of that person?"
When we love someone, we feel like a little kid in our heart.
When I began looking for my first teaching job,
I thought it was similar to going out on a date.
I might like it, but it might not like me.
Or it might like me, but I might not like it.
To cook something delicious,
you need time for the ingredients to marinate.
To build a lasting relationship, you need time for trust to develop. When you are dating, temper your enthusiasm.
You may ask, "What is wrong with expressing my honest feelings
Why can't I give her a gift and tell her I love her?"
Your words and gifts will mean more to her when she is ready.
Love her, not your feelings.
Love needs to be balanced.
If you like him more than he likes you, give him time and space to catch up. It is important to hold back your emotions
when your feelings are not in balance with his.
"Haemin Sunim, I found myself getting so upset with him. At first I thought it was because I did not like him.
But then I realized it was because he was not interested in me."
Anger for no reason could be the expression of a crush.
In elementary school
I met a tall girl who made fun of me.
Later I learned she was doing it to get my attention.
That was my first insight into the complexities of human psychology.
One of the worst feelings is to believe
that you don't matter.
Look around you.
Have you intentionally or unintentionally
ignored anyone?
Only when we are hurt
do we think of someone
whom we have hurt
and feel true remorse.
The end of a relationship reveals what we are made of.
Move away, just one step, from your stubbornness and anger.
That one step is more significant than ten steps when things are fine.
It will diminish your pain and rescue you from insanity.
*
The heart is slower than the mind.
The mind knows you must part ways, but your heart does not.
This is because your feelings are settled deeper in your heart. When one day, after many days of disappointment, your partner deals the final blow,
the light finally dims in your heart.
Fallen gingko nuts are like a failed relationship.
Once so lovely hanging from the tree,
they emit a stink as they are crushed underfoot.
Be as gentle in ending a relationship as you were in starting it.
Proof of having really loved:
You do not speak ill of your ex
even after your relationship has ended.
Sometimes, after a relationship is over,
you catch yourself thinking,
"I hope she is happy," without bitterness.
This is a sign you have moved on.
Pain caused by one person can be healed by another. But before you go out to meet someone new, make sure to give yourself time to be whole again.
Otherwise you may end up using the new person you meet.
An exceptional relationship is not
one with a good beginning but one with a good ending. Relationships often begin accidentally, but when it comes to ending them, we usually have choices. Choose the ending wisely.
Without love,
our lives would pass us by in the blink of an eye.
Love has the power to stop the world for a moment. *
Love makes the world look beautiful.
When there is love, there is beauty.
When love is drying up in your life,
look for the beauty around you.
That is where love can be found. You are beautiful
not because you are better than others
but because there is only you who can smile like that. May you fall in love with your unique self.
One summer night, I look up and focus on one star out of many.
That star also chooses to look at me, out of all the people on earth.
A meeting between two people is like this, a rare cosmic event.
It is one in a million, a billion, a trillion.
Love is
trusting someone,
being there for someone,
being ready to listen with a tender heart
for no other reason than love.
At times we are not sure
whether what we feel is love.
At that moment, ask yourself this:
"Am I happy to give more even after having given a lot?" If the answer is yes, and there is no regret afterward,
then that is probably love.
*
Love means loving someone the way she is.
Wanting her to be a certain way is not love but your desire. Do not attempt to improve someone in the name of love. It is improvement only in your eyes, not in hers.
If something is meant to blossom into a relationship, it usually works out without much difficulty.
If you are the only one putting in effort, then let him go.
This may relieve the pressure, and motivate him to make effort. If not, then it will open up a new path for you.
Love comes naturally and effortlessly.
If you try to love someone, then it is not real until you stop trying.
A casting director auditions many actors
but recognizes the right one as soon as he walks in.
It can be the same with a new house, a diamond ring, a future spouse.
If you are hesitant, then you might not have found the right one yet. Love her
without "What if."
without calculation,
without second-guessing,
without comparing her to others.
Love her with the steadfast conviction of your soul.
If one of you is unshakable, then the relationship can last.
Please don't call it love.
What you are experiencing is infatuation
with no commitment or responsibility.
Infatuation is not love
because it begins and ends with you.
It is more about your feelings, and less about the other person.
When we are in love, we like to do nice things for the one we love.
But it is equally important to refrain from doing unnecessary things. We often overlook that part.
We like to get involved in other people's business, thinking we are doing so for them.
We offer unsolicited help and interfere with their lives.
We take away their power and make them feel incapable.
This stems from our desire for control and recognition. It has little to do with love.
*
We should love people like the sun loves the earth. The sun loves the earth without choosing to.
It nourishes trees and flowers, expecting nothing in return.
It does not withhold its rays but brightens everything with its presence. Like Kahlil Gibran said,
love each other like
two pillars supporting the same roof.
While looking out on the horizon together,
allow space between you and your loved one.
Without it, you will suffocate and exhaust your love.
Remember this:
When you struggle to hold on to her, she leaves. When you decide to let her go, she stays.
We do things for the one we love,
but sometimes just being there expresses even deeper love. Give the gift of your full presence.
Life is like a slice of pizza.
It looks delicious in an advertisement,
but when we actually have it, it is not as good as we imagined.
If you envy someone's life, remember the pizza in the ad. It always looks better than it is.
Have you ever selected a cheaper dish from a menu than the one you really wanted,
only to regret your choice when it arrived?
Always go with your first choice if you can afford it. It is better than a life filled with regrets.
There are many more ordinary hours in life than extraordinary ones.
We wait in line at the supermarket. We spend hours commuting to work. We water our plants and feed our pets. Happiness means finding a moment of joy in those ordinary hours.
When you concentrate, even a phone book can be interesting.
If you are bored, maybe you are not concentrating.
Wherever you go, cultivate a sense of ownership. If you see litter in a church, library, or park, pick it up. As you take ownership, your life will have more purpose,
and people will notice your good example.
It makes sense that Scandinavia should be famous for furniture design,
since people in a cold climate spend more time inside their homes. Similarly, Italy is renowned for designer apparel;
it makes sense that people in a warm climate
should pay more attention to how they appear outdoors. Where you live shapes you.
Do you live in a place conducive to the pursuit of your dreams?
We don't think twice about spending nine or ten dollars on a glass of wine.
And yet we hesitate when it comes to buying a book, which is the price of only one or two glasses of wine.
Apparently most people are unable to tell the difference between a $15 bottle of wine and a $50 bottle. The extra $35 is the price of our vanity.
*
When purchasing something you will have for a long time, like a house or a piano,
choose the best within your means, not something that will do for now. You might think it is good enough, but after a while you will regret it.
A good customer does not say, "Please do whatever you think is best."
She knows exactly what she wants and communicates it clearly.
If a customer does not communicate what she wants, she may still have preferences,
which might be expressed as a complaint once the work is completed. When there is a problem,
take it up with the person who is responsible.
If you address it in a roundabout way, through other people,
out of fear of upsetting the person and your relationship, then the problem becomes more complicated.
Go straight to the source and deal with the person directly,
even if this makes you uncomfortable.
The more you know,
the more you think you don't.
The more you don't know,
the more you think you do.
Any social phenomenon is difficult to generalize.
Its causes are embedded in a complex web of history, culture, politics, and economics.
If someone explains a social phenomenon in simple terms,
he is either an expert or a fool.
The biggest obstacle to learning
is pretending to know even when you don't.
It is better to admit you don't know something; if you pretend, you have to act as if you knew all along.
It is easier to learn when you set aside your pride and are honest.
The compassionate gaze of the wounded soul is
more beautiful than the naive smile of the inexperienced youth.
The determination to convince someone might stem from being not completely convinced yourself.
I do not go around trying to convince people that I am a man.
Wear confidence
It is the height of fashion.
When we hold too firmly to our beliefs,
we risk being blind to reality
and seeing only what conforms to our beliefs.
The person who says,
"That person is so political,"
is usually just as political, if not more.
Admiration does not come easily.
Rather than setting a goal of becoming rich and powerful,
aim higher: becoming admired in your field.
One of the greatest blessings in life is meeting someone we truly admire. That person becomes a beacon of hope, shielding us from cynicism.
Sometimes life throws us a curveball
for no reason that we can fathom. But do not despair.
We are not alone. We can persevere.
This, too, shall pass, like the heat of summer. As you enter your forties, you start to think: "Is this what life is all about? Is this all there is?" That sad and hollow feeling-I, too, know it.
Love,
not righteous words, can change people's lives.
Do not let people's opinions of you determine who you are.
Instead of worrying about what others think,
devote yourself to your dreams.
When someone does not like us,
it is not our problem but theirs.
Not everyone will like us. This is a problem only if we let it bother us.
By complaining that something we have to do is too hard,
we add another layer of difficulty. Take a deep breath, and then just do it. Write down on a sheet of paper
the names of the places you want to travel to before you die,
the people you hope to meet,
the concerts you know you will enjoy, the sports games you are dying to see, the restaurants you have to try.
Then experience everything on the list, item by item. Nobody needs to know about the list. Allow yourself a little secret of your own.
It will feel good to do something just for yourself.
Life is like jazz.
Much of it is improvised; we cannot control all the variables. We must live it with panache and flair, regardless of what it throws at us.
We can love our family and pray for their happiness. We can give advice and help when needed. But we can neither make decisions for them nor make them act the way we want them to. There are many things we cannot control in life.
That includes those closest to us.
*
If you learn to play one sport well, it becomes easier to learn to play another. If you become fluent in one foreign language, you can more easily learn
another.
If you figure out how to run a small business, it'll be easier to run a second or third one.
Do not be envious of those who are good at many things. First learn to be good at one. You will soon be able to do two or three. A majestic tree is the first to be cut down and used for lumber, whereas a modest one lives on.
Likewise, a real master conceals his virtue and never boasts of his excellence.
Dream big but start small.
A small adjustment can have a big effect on your life. For example, if you want to be healthier,
then start by going to bed a half hour earlier.
If you want to lose weight,
then start by drinking water instead of soda.
If you have an important project to complete,
then start by getting your desk organized.
"Keep your thoughts positive, because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive, because your words become your behavior.
Keep your behavior positive, because your behavior becomes your habits.
Keep your habits positive, because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive, because your values become your destiny."
-MAHATMA GANDHI*
Your mind cannot hold two thoughts at once.
This means that a single thought can occupy your entire mind.
Whether good or bad, everything stems from a single thought. If we are careful with that first thought, even tragedies can be prevented.
We prefer the right words to the wrong words. We prefer honest words to the right words.
How you speak is often more important than what you say.
We prefer real acts to honest words.
And actions speak louder than words. Knowledge wants to talk.
Wisdom wants to listen.
A foolish person thinks, "I already know that."
He keeps anything new from coming into his mind. A wise person thinks, "I don't know the whole story." She opens herself up to even greater wisdom.
An ordinary person mainly notices particular things he likes or dislikes. A wise person notices both the whole and the particulars.
*
When you share your problems with your friends, you do not expect them to have the solutions.
You are just grateful they are there for you and willing to listen.
If someone shares his problems with you, don't feel the need to have the solutions.
Just listen sincerely. This is often more helpful.
When I look deeply within myself,
attentive ears that listen to what I am saying,
I realize what it is that I really want from others:
kind words that acknowledge my existence and worth, gentle eyes that accept my flaws and insecurities. I resolve to be that person for those around me.
A bad driver brakes often.
A bad conversationalist also brakes often
interrupting the flow with his own stories.
*
You can fool someone for a moment,
but it is hard to fool someone for long. Time will tell if someone has spoken from the heart
or made things up to get what he wanted. Even if he got what he wanted with a momentary lie, the fact that he lied will stay with him until the day he dies.
When there is no envy or expectation,
even the wealthiest and most powerful person is just another human being. Only when we are envious of what he has, or expect something from him,
do we become discontented and lose our composure.
Swindlers love to sweet-talk about future gains,
insisting that things will work out if we listen to them.
A clever negotiator leads the other party to think they've won
When our greed is awakened, we are cheated.
while getting everything he wants. If the other party feels flattered and superior and lets the clever negotiator have his way, then it is really the negotiator who has won.
A cruel irony: The reward for someone who works hard is more work.
If we're quick to grant a favor, then people quickly forget their gratitude. If we grant a favor with several conditions, then people express immense gratitude.
If you are raising a child, then remember this:
It is okay for your child to do well in one area and not so well in others.
A restaurant specializing in a few good dishes
is more likely to develop a good reputation than one with a lengthy menu.
Help your child go deep in her area of interest.
Intelligence is not just about getting straight A's and high SAT scores.
It is also about being able to empathize and be attuned to how other people
feel.
Are you a controlling parent?
Are you devoting too much attention to your child? If the answer is yes,
then turn some of that attention toward your parents.
If you are good to your own parents,
then your child will learn how to treat you in the future.
From a young age,
some children are told to compete,
worried about what their parents will say,
insecure about how their friends will judge them.
Let them know it is okay to enjoy life.
Help them discover talents that cannot be graded. Respect them so they know what it feels like to be respected. Why doesn't high school teach essential life skills?
How to cook,
how to go out on a date,
how to watch your weight,
how to be financially responsible,
how to pick yourself up after a setback,
Don't do it just for the end. Delight in the means, too.
how to be mindful of your thoughts and emotions. *
Instead of building up a résumé only to land a job, enjoy the process of learning something new.
Even if you have other motives for volunteering, in the process of helping out and connecting with people you may discover the meaning of life and of happiness. This is why it is important to volunteer
regardless of what compels you to do so in the first place.
When it comes to learning a new skill, there are two kinds of people.
One kind prefers to first study the typewriter,
while the other starts by pounding on the keys.
There is no such thing as being completely prepared.
One kind likes to first master the grammar of a foreign language, while the other learns in the trenches, using body language if they must.
Generally speaking, the second type tends to learn faster than the first, because the latter is not afraid of making mistakes.
Life is an adventure, through which we learn and mature. Of course, we must consider all our options carefully. But if we wait for 100 percent certainty, then it is often too late.
*
When you are about to make an important decision,
there is always a moment of hesitation right before you sign on the dotted line.
Don't pull back. You have come all this way after having given it serious thought.
Don't look back. Continue on your path courageously, like a one-horned
rhinoceros.
Sometimes you have to push through with your convictions. You cannot please everyone.
Do not hold back just because
you are afraid someone might criticize you.
You will probably earn yourself a few enemies,
but many others will respect you for standing up for what you believe.
Do not turn down too many opportunities.
If you insist you need more preparation,
you may not be invited again when you finally feel ready.
You are ready.
You can take up the challenge.
When you wake up in the morning, say to yourself:
"I won't spend today passively,
just doing what others tell me to do.
I will take the lead and forge my own destiny!"
Establish a goal for the week.
There is a big difference between having a goal and not having one. A significant accomplishment can be traced back to a single thought.
Even if you have just a modest dream,
don't keep it to yourself. Talk to others about it.
By the time you tell ten people, it is more likely to come true.
Try these two things at the same time: Pretend you are already a champion and work diligently at becoming one.
The gap between belief and reality will soon close.
Measure your self-worth
not with the balance of your bank account but with the frequency of your generosity.
*
The college you graduated from is not that important. The life you have chosen to live after college is.
*
"When hiring, I like people who are confident but who can admit when they are wrong.
For that kind of person, I don't have to look at any other credentials,
because they are sure of themselves but won't let their ego get in the way."
-AHN CHEOL-SOO, SOUTH KOREAN SOFTWARE ENTREPRENEUR
When you look for a job,
try to find out how long a company's employees stay at the company. This is more important than the size of the company or the salary offered.
If people keep leaving, then that says a lot.
Are you nervous or even terrified about your new job?
Is it because you are afraid of disappointing your new boss? Just do the best you can without being self-conscious about your work. Even if your work is less than superb, if you are sincere and dedicated, then your boss and colleagues will appreciate you.
If you happen to visit a workplace that appears much better than yours, instead of feeling envious, examine the place more carefully.
You may find a downside that changes your first impression.
The moment you realize that, you will feel grateful for your current job.
Being a good boss requires much more than just having a lot of technical knowledge.
It is important to have integrity and a positive relationship with the staff, to give timely feedback and professional mentoring, and to advocate for what the team needs.
A boss should not be overly concerned with how she is perceived. This is secondary.
Rather, she should focus on how her work affects the staff and clients.
A wise leader doesn't assemble a team of only those who agree with him.
He needs someone who disagrees with him, to allow him to see his blind
spots.
An inept leader attempts to micromanage everything. His staff will wind up doing only what they are told. A skillful leader knows how to delegate to subordinates and to wait for them to take responsibility and see the job to a successful conclusion.
Dedication to one's job should not be measured
by how late one works
or how often one forgoes a vacation
but by how effectively one works and
People often have unrealistic expectations
what kind of contribution one makes to the business.
of the success of their first book, album, or show. Just as there is no effect without a cause, success doesn't come about by luck alone, without years of preparation and hard work.
*
It is not always a good thing to get what you want.
If everything happens the way you want,
it is easy to become lazy and arrogant.
You may also lose the ability to empathize with people having difficulties. Perhaps any hardship you may experience is an important life lesson. A jockey does not whip a standing horse.
A jockey whips only a running horse.
When your teacher reprimands you,
learn to accept it gracefully.
She is doing it because she cares.
She believes you can do better.
Your freedom is more important than money.
It is better to live the kind of life you want
than to earn more and be constrained. Don't sell your freedom.
If someone urges you to follow his path for success but it is not what your heart desires,
then listen to your heart
before it is too late.
The vaguest and least effective statement:
"I will have whatever."
Some people would like to have all their decisions made for them hence the opportunity for charismatic cult leaders to take advantage of them.
Never cede the power to make decisions about your life. The Buddha and Jesus exist because you exist. You are the owner of your life. Value yourself first.
I became a monastic practitioner
because I wanted to know the true meaning of life.
Because I didn't want to subject myself
Because I wanted to awaken to my true nature.
to the measures of success according to others. Because I didn't want to meet my death after a lifetime of struggle for money and power.
There is only one way to bungee jump: Just leap! The more you think, the harder it becomes. Overthinking produces only anxiety and doubt.
Stop shouting, "What if?" and just take a leap of faith.
there is no need to be afraid of speaking the truth.
Without being compromised by the need to get in someone's good graces, you can stand tall, no matter whom you deal with. If you have led an honorable and honest life,
The great Korean Zen master Kyeongbong (1892-1982) once said: "Those who have not realized their True Self live like the blind, unintentionally scratching someone else's leg. If you would like to scratch your own leg, first awaken to your True Self
How should we consider a different spiritual path?
We shall approach it with humility
as well as a willingness to learn about another tradition.
If our faith can be shaken
from merely learning about a different tradition, then that faith is not worth keeping."
-REVEREND DR. KANG WON YONG (1917-2006)
Just as my faith is precious and significant to me,
wouldn't it be the same for people of other faiths?
Just as my mother is dear and important to me,
wouldn't this be the case for my neighbor and his mother?
May people know how to differentiate between
the certainty of one's faith and the folly of attacking other faiths.
May faith never become an ideological weapon to justify violence.
If Jesus, Buddha, and Confucius were all alive and gathered in the same place,
would they argue over who is right?
Or would they respect and admire one another's teachings?
Religious conflict can often be blamed
not on the founders of religions
but on their fanatical followers.
"The purpose of religion is to control yourself, not to criticize others.
How much am I doing about my anger, attachment, hatred, pride, and jealousy?
These are the things we must check in our daily lives."
-HIS HOLINESS, THE DALAI LAMA
If the essence is forgotten, ritual takes over.
When ritual dominates spiritual practice
our outward appearances become more important than our inner experience.
For instance, if you meditate in the hope of enlightenment, how long and with whom you meditate is not as important as how your practice has changed your heart and your relationships. According to Professor Kang-Nam Oh,
the faithful can be divided roughly into two groups: people of "surface faith" and people of "in-depth faith."
The surface faithful are bound by spiritual symbols;
they often dispute the spiritual symbols of other faiths.
The in-depth faithful understand meanings deeper than the symbols.
They can find similar meanings in the symbolism of diverse spiritual traditions,
and harmony among such traditions.
"Heretic" is a loaded term.
It has been slapped on any belief or practice
that doesn't conform to the dominant spiritual belief of an era. If you are calling a spiritual path heretical, remember that yours was once considered as such when it first started. "He who knows only one religion knows none." -MAX MÜLLER (1823-1900),
GERMAN SCHOLAR OF COMPARATIVE LANGUAGE, RELIGION, AND MYTHOLOGY
Ignorance of other spiritual paths combined with fear can give rise to religious persecution and violence. Major wisdom traditions around the world teach humility, love, and forbearance.
Nothing bad will come of learning about them.
You can admire a spiritual leader but never idolize him.
Blind faith in the leader can easily reduce you to acting like a child,
handing over your power and asking the leader to do things for you.
Medicine can be prescribed, but it must be you who takes it.
A spiritual leader is a finger pointing at the moon. If the finger attempts to become the moon, this can lead to a grave sin.
We must cultivate all three intelligences for our overall health:
critical intelligence, emotional intelligence, and spiritual intelligence.
If one falls to the wayside, it slows the growth of the other two.
If you have developed critical intelligence but neglected emotional intelligence,
then you may not be sensitive to the suffering of others.
Whatever the circumstances, do not feel inferior.
If you have developed emotional intelligence but neglected spiritual intelligence,
then you may lose hope after seeing the world's suffering. If you have developed spiritual intelligence but neglected critical intelligence, then you may fall victim to the abuse of a cult.
Remember that God has created you in His divine image. You are the most precious daughter or son of God. You are also the Buddha, even if you have not realized it yet. You have the same Buddha nature as all buddhas in the universe.
Do not allow anyone to make you feel less than that.
Faith is overvalued while practice is undervalued.
If we emphasize faith over practice,
spirituality remains ideology, creating theological conflicts.
But if we focus on carrying out the teachings in our actual lives,
we realize that the love taught by Jesus
is no different from the compassion taught by the Buddha.
If you wish for peace among different spiritual paths, then practice what you preach.
Three Bible verses I cherish:
"In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you,
for this is the Law and the Prophets."
-MATTHEW 7:12
heaven,
"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of
but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter." -MATTHEW 7:21
"Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine,
even the least of them, you did it to Me."
-MATTHEW 25
We don't receive more love from God by asking for it.
Rather, we awaken to the truth that God has always loved us unconditionally. We don't turn into a buddha by striving for it.
Rather, we awaken to the truth that we have been buddhas all along.
In the beginning, our prayer takes the shape of, "Please grant me this, please grant me that," and then develops into, "Thank you for everything," and then matures into, "I want to resemble you."
Eventually it transcends language,
and we pray with our whole being in sacred silence. As my prayer deepens,
I hear more of His voice than my words.
As my humility grows,
I feel more of His love overflowing in my heart.
As my mind quiets down,
I sense more of His presence in every moment.
As your faith and spiritual practice deepen, the sense of a separate self or ego diminishes, leaving more room for divinity to fill your heart. If you have prayed mostly to benefit yourself,
then shift gears and try praying to give up some of your control. If you have been praying like this
"Please grant me this. I really need this to happen"
then try to pray this way as well "Enlarge my heart to hold and accept the things I cannot." Do not bargain with God, Buddha, or any divine being to give you what you want in exchange for material offerings.
If you do not know how to solve a problem in your life, give prayer a try. As you bring your attention inward and sincerely seek an answer, something sacred within you unlocks the door of inner wisdom.
If you are desperately looking to meet someone special,
send your prayer out to the universe.
The universe is an amazing matchmaker.
Monastics can pray for many years because
their prayers of happiness for others make them happy.
As I prepare to officiate at my friend's wedding, I become joyous.
For unenlightened people, not every day is a good day, because they feel happy only when things happen the way they want them to. For enlightened people, every single day is a good day, because they feel free knowing that nothing can take away their wisdom.
When an unenlightened person does good, he tries to leave his mark.
*
When an enlightened person does good, he leaves no marks.
The holier a person is, the more likely it is that she describes herself as a sinner. This is because she doesn't lie to herself.
"The saints are what they are
not because their sanctity makes them admirable to others
but because the gift of sainthood makes it possible for them to admire everybody else.
THOMAS MERTON*
Clergy and teachers tend to be verbose, and older clergy and teachers even more so. I hope I don't become that person who talks endlessly without noticing how the person in front of me feels.
It is a sign of great spiritual strength
to keep someone else's secret.
*
"When a minister preaches, he must preach not only to the congregation but also to himself."
-REVEREND HONG JEONG-GIL
According to Cardinal Nicolas Cheong Jin-suk,
"There is no record of the biblical story of one fish multiplying to two or three.
There is also no record of fish falling from the sky. What probably happened was that people took out their lunches
and shared their food with others after listening to Jesus' moving prayer."
A miracle is not just an otherworldly phenomenon transcending the laws of nature.
Letting go of self-centeredness and opening one's heart to others are just as miraculous.
There is a simple way to test the veracity of the Buddha's teachings. Find the most comfortable posture.
Remain in that posture for thirty minutes.
The most comfortable posture soon becomes the most uncomfortable.
Everything is impermanent, including the world's most comfortable posture.
Do not force yourself on a spiritual path. Let its teachings gently open your heart and lead you
Like salt gradually dissolving in water, let the teachings dissolve in your
heart.
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