master your emotions

I What Emotions Are 

1.How your survival mechanism affects your emotions

2.What Is the Ego 

3.The Nature of Emotions  

IiWhat Impacts Your Emotions

4.The impact of sleep on your mood

5.Using your body to influence your emotions

6.Using your thoughts to influence your emotions

7.Using your words to influence your emotions 

8.How your breathing affects your emotions  

9.How your environment affects your emotions 

10.How music affects your emotions 

 Iii. How to change your emotions

11.How emotions are formed 

12.Changing your interpretation

13.Letting go of your emotions 14.Conditioning your mind to experience more positive emotions

15.Changing your emotions by changing your behavior 

16.Changing your emotions by changing your environment

17.Short-term and long-term solutions to deal with negative emotions 

Iv How to use your emotions to grow

18.How emotions can guide you in the right direction 

19.Recording your emotions

20.Not being good enough

21. Being defensive 

22. Stress and worry

23. Caring what people think of you 

24. Resentment

25. Jealousy

26. Depression

27. Fear/Discomfort 

28. Procrastination 

29. Lack of motivation 

Conclusion

Intro 

Your emotions can also act as a powerful guide. They can tell you something is wrong and allow you to make changes in your life. As such, they may be among the most powerful personal growth tools you have.

Change your story to take better control over your life and create a more compelling future, and Reprogram your mind to experience more positive emotions.

Here is a more detailed summary of what you’ll learn in this book: In Part I , we’ll discuss what emotions are. You’ll learn why you are wired to focus on negativity and what you can do to counter this effect. You’ll also discover how your beliefs impinge upon your emotions. Finally, you’ll learn how negative emotions work and why they are so tricky. In Part II , we’ll go over the things that directly impact your emotions. You’ll understand the roles your body, your thoughts, your words, or your sleep, play in your life and how you can use them to change your emotions. In Part III , you’ll learn how emotions are formed. You’ll also learn how to condition your mind to experience more positive emotions. And finally, in Part IV , we’ll discuss how to use your emotions as a tool for personal growth. You’ll learn why you experience emotions such as fear or depression and how they work. You’ll then discover how to use them to grow. Let’s get started.

PART I WHAT EMOTIONS ARE

1 HOW YOUR SURVIVAL MECHANISM AFFECTS YOUR EMOTIONS

To take control of your emotions, it is essential you understand the role dopamine 

2 WHAT IS THE EGO

I'd ,Ego ,super Ego 

Note that the ego is neither good nor bad, it’s just a result of a lack of self-awareness. It fades away as you become aware of it, since ego and awareness cannot coexist.

Your ego’s need for an identity

Your ego is a selfish entity, only concerned about its own survival. Interestingly, it’s rather similar to your brain in the way it operates. It has its own survival mechanism and will do whatever it can to persist. As with your brain, its primary concern is neither your happiness nor your peace of mind. On the contrary, your ego is restless. It wants you to be a go-getter. It wants you to do, have and achieve great things so you can become a ‘somebody.’

The ego likes to identify with physical things. 

Most people derive their self-worth from their physical appearance. Your ego loves the way you look because it is the easiest thing to recognize and quantify

The ego also derives its sense of identity from your relationships with others. The ego is only interested in what it can get from others. In other words, the ego thrives on the way it can use people to strengthen its identity.

The feeling of needing someone is very much a play of the ego as well.

Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality, by understanding that we don’t need people. — A M

Your ego also uses beliefs to strengthen its identity.The ego will use any belief to strengthen its identity, whether these beliefs are religious, political, or metaphysical. Other objects of identification Now let’s have a look at a (non-exhaustive) list of things your ego generally derives its identity from: Your body Your name Your gender Your nationality Your culture Your family/friends Your beliefs (political beliefs, religious, etc.) Your personal story (your interpretation of the past, your expectations regarding the future) Your problems (illnesses, financial situation, victim mindset, etc.) Your age Your job Your social status Your role (as employee, homemaker, parental status, employment status, etc.) Material items (your house, car, clothes, phone, etc.) Your desires

The ego’s main characteristics Here are some main characteristics of the ego: The ego tends to equate ‘having’ with ‘being,’ which is why the ego likes to identify with objects.The ego lives through comparison. Your ego likes to compare itself with other egos. The ego is never satisfied. Your ego always wants more. More fame, more stuff, more recognition, and so on. The ego’s sense of self-worth often depends on the worth you have in the eyes of others. Your ego needs the approval of other people to feel valued.

our ego wants to feel superior to other egos. It wants to stand out and needs to create artificial separations to do that. Here are some stratagems it employs:

Understanding the way your ego works can help you better control your emotions

In short, most of your emotions are based on your personal story and the way you perceive the world. 

3 THE NATURE OF EMOTIONS

The fleeting nature of emotions

The trickiness of emotions

The evil power of emotions An emotion usually represents an amplified energized thought pattern, and because of its often-overpowering energetic charges, it is not easy initially to stay present enough to be able to watch it. It wants to take you over, and it usually succeeds—unless there is enough presence in you. — E T , T P N .

The filtering power of emotions

When you’re in a positive state, you have more energy available. This gives you: More confidence in everything you do An openness to consider new actions that could improve your life The ability to leave or break out of your comfort zone More emotional room to persevere during tough times Better ideas and enhanced creativity, and Easy access to positive emotions within the same emotional range.

The magnetic power of emotions 

Your emotions act like magnets. They attract thoughts on the same ‘wave.’ That’s why, when you’re in a negative state, you easily attract other negative thoughts, and by latching onto these thoughts you make the situation worse. As Eckhart Tolle wrote in The Power of Now: Often, a vicious circle builds up between your thinking and the emotion: they feed each other. The thought pattern creates a magnified reflection of itself in the form of an emotion, and the vibrational frequency of the emotion keeps feeding the original thought pattern. — E T

Breaking the magnetic power of emotions

ask yourself the following questions: What triggered my emotions? What fueled them over the two-day period? What story was I telling myself? How and why did I get out of my slump? What can I learn from this episode?

Your emotional accessibility

Your emotional set point

What you don’t focus on doesn’t exist:

PART II WHAT IMPACTS YOUR EMOTIONS

Your mind operates on the famous computing principle of GIGO - garbage in, garbage out. If you do ill, speak ill and think ill, the residue is going to leave you sick. If you do well, speak well and think well, the outcome is going to be well. — O S , A M T .

4 THE IMPACT OF SLEEP ON YOUR MOOD

How to improve the quality of your sleep

Make sure your bedroom is pitch black.

Avoid using electronic devices

Relax your mind 

Avoid drinking too much water within two hours of going to bed

Have an evening ritual . 

5 USING YOUR BODY TO INFLUENCE YOUR EMOTIONS 

Our bodies change our minds, our minds change our behavior, and our behavior changes our outcomes. — A C

 Body language and body posture , .

After adopting a high-power pose for two minutes: Testosterone increased by 25%Cortisol decreased by 10%, and Risk tolerance increased, with 86% of participants choosing to partake in a game of chance.

The benefits of exercising

6 USING YOUR THOUGHTS TO INFLUENCE YOUR EMOTIONS 

You become what you think about all day long. — R W E , .

Brian Tracy says, “The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire, not things we fear. ” The benefits of meditation

Your thoughts define who you are and create your reality. That’s why you should channel your thoughts towards what you want , not what you don’t want 

The benefits of meditation

With practice, you learn to distance yourself from thoughts, reducing their power and their impact. 

The benefits of visualization

Conditioning your mind

This means you can trick your mind by simulating desired experiences through visualization. The more details you visualize, the more your brain will interpret the experience as real.

7 USING YOUR WORDS TO INFLUENCE YOUR EMOTIONS

To enhance your confidence, replace words that show self-doubt with words that display confidence as shown below. Words to be avoided: Would/could/should/might Try/hope/wish Maybe/perhaps If everything is okay If everything goes well Words to be used instead:

I will Absolutely Definitely Of course Sure Certainly Obviously Without any doubt No problem

The power of positive affirmations

How to use positive affirmation Use the present tense and not the future tense, (“I am” not “I will”). Avoid negative forms like “I am not shy.” Instead, use “I am confident.” Repeat the sentence again and again for five minutes. Do it every single day without exception for a month, and preferably longer. Use visualization at the same time and involve your emotions. Some examples of powerful affirmations: I love being confident. I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others. I am beneath no one and no one is beneath me.

I love you …. (add your name and say it while looking into your eyes in the mirror, e.g. “I love you, Thibaut”. (Awkward, isn’t it?) Thank you.

8 HOW YOUR BREATHING AFFECTS YOUR EMOTIONS

Eight breathing cycles per minute : Relief from stress and increased awareness. Four breathing cycles per minute : Intense feelings of awareness, increased visual clarity, heightens bodily sensitivity. One breathing cycle per minute : Optimized cooperation between brain hemispheres, dramatic calming of anxiety, fear, and worry. Rapid breathing such as the Breath of Fire, allows you to release stress, be more alert and have more energy alongside with other

9 HOW YOUR ENVIRONMENT AFFECTS YOUR EMOTIONS

Changing your Environment.’

10 HOW MUSIC AFFECTS YOUR EMOTIONS

Help you relax when you’re tired Motivate you when you’re in a slump Help you persevere when you’re at the gym Help you access feelings of gratitude, and Put you in a positive mood state.

Using music to condition your mind

PART III HOW TO CHANGE YOUR EMOTIONS

 The mind always seeks to deny the Now and to escape from it. In other words, the more you are identified with your mind, the more you suffer. Or you may put it like this: the more you are able to honor and accept the Now, the more you are free of pain, of suffering—and free of the egoic mind. — E T , T P N .

How to let go of your emotions How to change your story and create a more empowering one How to condition your mind How to use your behaviors to change your emotions, and

How to modify your environment to reduce negative emotions.

11 HOW EMOTIONS ARE FORMED

When a thought emerges on the canvas of your mind, if you don’t drop it, its pursuit will either take the form of a desire or an emotion, positive or negative. — O S , A M T .

Interpretation + identification + repetition = strong emotion

Interpretation: is when you interpret an event or a thought based on your personal story. Identification: is when you identify with a specific thought as it arises.Repetition: is having the same thoughts over and over. Strong emotion: is when you experience an emotion so many times it has become part of your identity. You then experience that emotion whenever a related thought or event triggers it.

In short, for negative emotions to arise, you must add your interpretation to a specific event. The event in itself cannot trigger negative emotions without your consent.

You want reality to be one way, but it turns out to be another. You go on a picnic and want the weather to be good, but it rains. You want a promotion at work, but you don’t get it. You want to make money with your side business, but it’s not working.

Changing your story.’

ou are not your emotions . Your emotions will come and they will go.

You are not your emotions. You are not sad, you merely experience feelings that you may call ‘sadness’ at a given point in time. This is an important point. I hope you can see the difference.

Repetition 

Letting go of your emotions.’

Interpretation: What events happened and what thoughts arose? Identification: How did you respond to these thoughts? Repetition: Did you identify with these thoughts repeatedly?

12 CHANGING YOUR INTERPRETATION

 The sight of a slaughterhouse may trigger a negative emotion in you, whereas it may be positive for the business owner and natural for the machine operator. It all depends on how you are conditioned. — O S , A M T .

Exploring your assumptions

Problems should be avoided This is a problem I should be healthy I’ll live at least until I’m seventy I must get married Complaining is normal There is nothing wrong with dwelling on the past I need to worry about the future, and/or I can’t be happy unless or until *insert your answer(s) here*.

Analyzing your interpretations

Do you think everything happens for a reason and embrace it, or Do you play the victim? Do you believe temporary setbacks are just milestones that will lead you to succeed, or Do you give up when you encounter your first major setback? Do you try to change things that cannot be changed, or Do you accept them? Do you believe you’re here for a reason, or Do you wander through life without any clear purpose? Do you believe problems are bad and should be avoided, or Do you believe they are a necessary part of life?

One or two emotional issues you currently have. (Ask yourself, “If I could get rid of some emotions, losing which ones would have the most positive impact on my life?”) Your interpretation of these issues. (Ask yourself, “What would I need to believe for my story to be true?”) New empowering interpretations that will help you deal with these issues. (Ask yourself, “What do I need to believe to avoid experiencing these negative emotions?”)

13 LETTING GO OF YOUR EMOTIONS

 Emotions are just emotions. They are not you, they are not facts, and you can let them go. — H D , T S M .

E-motions are energy in motion, but what happens when you prevent the energy from moving? It accumulates. When you repress your emotions, you interrupt the natural flow of energy.

1. Observe your emotions with detachment

ry to locate the emotion. Think of the way you would describe the emotion to someone else. Remember don’t: Engage in a story revolving around that emotion, and Believe in whatever images or thoughts that arise when you experience that emotion.

2. Label your emotion

Remember, emotions are merely temporary experiences, o

3. Let go of your emotions Too often, you over-identify with your emotions and cling to them for the following reasons: They’re part of the story you’re telling yourself. Sometimes, you can’t stop clinging to a story even a disempowering one. Yes, you can become addicted to destructive stories despite knowing they aren’t helping you. You believe the emotions are you and feel a strong need to identify with them. You may fall into the trap of believing you are your emotions. As a result, you identify heavily with them, which creates suffering.

The challenging part was to let go of the attachment to my story by letting go of the following: The belief that I’m not good enough and must work harder The pride I feel from working harder than most people The victim mentality that comes from working hard while not getting the results I want The idea I’m somewhat ‘special’ The idea the world needs to be changed, and The need to control the outcome of my actions.

4 A five-step process to let go of emotions

In his book, The Sedona Method , Hale Dwoskin explains there are three different ways to release your emotions as they arise. You can: 1. Let them go. When you experience negative emotions, you can consciously choose to release them rather than repressing them or clinging to them 2. Allow them to be here. You can allow them by acknowledging their existence without clinging to them, or you can 3. Welcome them. You can accept them and have a closer look at them to discover what the core of these emotions are.

According to Hale Dwoskin, the first step in each case is to become aware of your emotions as they arise. He then introduces a five-step process to let go of your emotions: Step 1 : Focus on a certain emotion you would like to work on so you can feel better. This doesn’t need to be a ‘big’ emotion. It could be something as simple as not feeling like working on a specific task, or being mildly annoyed about something. Step 2: ask yourself one of the following questions: 1. Could I let this feeling go? 2. Could I allow this feeling to be here? 3. Could I welcome this feeling? Depending on which way you want to go (release, allow, or welcome), answer the corresponding question. Step 3: Then ask yourself, “Would I?” 1. Would I let this feeling go? 2. Would I allow this feeling to be here? 3. Would I welcome this feeling? Answer yes or no to each question while being honest with yourself. Do you feel like you can let go/allow/welcome the emotion? Even a ‘no’ will help you let go of it. Step 4: Ask yourself, “When”? Your answer will be, “Now.” You let go of that emotion immediately. Step 5: Repeat this process as many times as necessary for that particular feeling to disappear.

14 CONDITIONING YOUR MIND TO EXPERIENCE MORE POSITIVE EMOTIONS

 Try to see that a thought about a person or event is merely a thought about that person or event. It is the thought about them that makes you feel the way you do. To change the way you feel, change the way you think. — V H , T P Y S .

You are what you think about most of the time

Let a man radically alter his thoughts, and he will be astonished at the rapid transformation it will effect in the material conditions of his life. Men imagine that thought can be kept secret, but it cannot; it rapidly crystallizes into habit, and habit solidifies into circumstance. — J A

For thousands of years mystics have told us we are the results of our thoughts. Buddha allegedly said, “What you think, you become. ” The essayist and poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson, said, “We become what we think about all day long ,” while Mahatma Gandhi said, “A man is but the product of his thoughts. ”

Thoughts generate emotions and emotions dictate your actions. If you feel you don’t deserve a promotion, you won’t ask for it. If you believe a man or woman is ‘out of your league,’ you won’t ask him or her out. In a nutshell, this is the way thoughts work. They generate emotions that dictate your actions and shape your reality. While this may not be obvious to you in the short-term, in the long-term, you’ll realize your thoughts have a tremendous impact on your life.

Thoughts and emotions determine your future

Humans possess a power no other living beings have: their imagination. We can use our thoughts to manifest things and turn the invisible into the visible.

Depositing positive thoughts in your mind

Choosing the emotion(s) you want to experience

1. Gratitude

A. Write down things you’re grateful for:

B. Thank people who crossed your life: 

C. Focus on one object and appreciate its existence:

D. Listening to gratitude song/guided meditation: 

2. Excitement

3. Confidence/certainty

4. Self-esteem

I woke on time I ate some fruit I cleaned my desk I completed Project A I exercised I completed my morning ritual, and/or I read.

5. Decisiveness

5 second rule5 Second Rule states you have five seconds from the moment you have an idea to the moment you take action. If you fail to act within these five seconds, your mind will talk you out of it. The nature of the mind is to prevent us from doing anything scary or tiring. 

Introduce yourself to someone you want to talk to at an event Send that important email, or Ask a question during a meeting.

Common mistakes to avoid when conditioning your mind:

Trying to implement too many changes at once :

Starting too big

15 CHANGING YOUR EMOTIONS BY CHANGING YOUR BEHAVIOR

 Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together, and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not. — W J ,  

To start changing the way you feel, whenever you experience a negative emotion, ask yourself the following questions: “What causes that emotion?” and “What can I do about my present reality?”

(Section III. How to change your emotions - 5. Changing your emotions by changing your behaviors ). Remember the last time you experience a negative emotion that lasted more than a couple of days. Now, think of what you did specifically to overcome this negative emotion (if anything). Then, ask yourself, “How could I have changed my behavior to influence my emotions positively?”

16 CHANGING YOUR EMOTIONS BY CHANGING YOUR ENVIRONMENT

Watching TV: 

Spending time on social media: 

Hanging out with negative people

Complaining and focusing on the negative:

Not finishing what you start:

17 SHORT-TERM AND LONG-TERM SOLUTIONS TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

1. Short-term solutions

A. Change your emotional state

Distract yourself: 

Interrupt

Move

Listen to music: 

Shout

B. Take action

Do it anyway

Do something about it:

C. Become aware of your emotions

Write it down:

Write down what happened

Talk,Remember a time when you felt good about yourself: 

Let your emotion go

Allow your emotions to be

Embrace your emotion

D. Just relax 

Rest: Breathe,Relax,Bless your problems

2. Long-term solutions

A. Analyze your negative emotions Identify the story behind your emotions: 

Write down your emotions in a journal: 

Practice mindfulness

B. Move away from negativity

Change environment: 

Remove counterproductive activities

C. Condition your mind Create daily rituals:Exercise

D. Increase your energy

Improve your sleep

Eat healthier food:

Rest Breathe: 

E. Ask for help

Consult a professional:

PART IV HOW TO USE YOUR EMOTIONS TO GROW

I suggest to you that every situation, every moment, provides the opportunity for self-growth and development of your character. Reality keeps bringing us circumstances— sometimes I picture them as waves breaking on the shore— and we have the chance to keep merging with that reality to fit ourselves to it, to dive into those waves. — D K. R , C L .

18 HOW EMOTIONS CAN GUIDE YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

The power of self-awareness

So, what is self-awareness? Self-awareness is your ability to observe objectively your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without adding your own interpretation or story to it.

Above the line, you are: Curious Listening consciously Feeling emotions Discussing without being argumentative Appreciating Taking responsibility, and Questioning your beliefs.

Below the line, you are: Clinging to an opinion Finding fault Arguing Rationalizing and justifying Gossiping Enrolling others to affirm your beliefs, and Attacking the messenger.

Fear vs. Love Model .

19 RECORDING YOUR EMOTIONS

What negative emotions did you experience?- What caused these emotions? What are the hard facts? Did you have specific thoughts that lead you to feel that way? Did external events trigger these negative emotions? Did you lack sleep? Did you become ill? Were you in an accident?- What really happened? (Not in your mind, but in the physical world)- What was your interpretation of the facts?- What would you need to believe to feel that way?

Are your beliefs accurate? Could you have felt better by interpreting thoughts or events differently?- How did you return to your neutral state?- What happened exactly? Did you change your thoughts? Did you take action on things you were avoiding doing? Did it just happen naturally? What could you have done to avoid or reduce these negative emotions?

What caused this emotion? I was asked to do a task at work and felt unable on incompetent to complete it. What really happened? I was asked to complete a task and I did it. What was your interpretation of the facts? I felt like I was incompetent and everybody in the office but me could do the task. I felt as though I should have been able to do the task well. I felt as though everybody was judging me. What would you need to believe to feel that way? I would need to believe:

I am incompetent. Being incompetent is unacceptable. I should have been able to do that task. Everyone is judging me. Are your beliefs true? Are you really incompetent? Maybe I’m biased and I judged myself too harshly. Is being incompetent unacceptable? No. The fact is, I cannot always be competent at everything. Should you be able to do that task? I haven’t much experience performing similar tasks and there was no way I could do it without asking for help. Is it true that everyone judging you?

Some people may judge me, but that’s probably not true of everyone. It’s also possible nobody really cares. After all, they have their own issues to deal with. And what if nobody noticed? Or perhaps, I did okay and the negativity is all in my mind. How did you return to your neutral state?

I realized it was actually no big deal. I asked a colleague whether I did the task correctly. He helped me and gave me some advice. He also recommended some good books to help improve my skills. What could you have done differently to avoid or reduce this negative emotion?

I could have asked someone to help me instead of trying to do everything on my own. As you go through this process, you’ll notice what causes you to experience negative emotions. You’ll be able to identify selfdefeating behaviors and overcome then using daily conditioning and affirmation. Additional tip: Remember to write down how you feel each day using a dedicated journal. This will help you detach yourself from your emotions as you realize ups and downs are a normal part of living.

20 NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH

You think, ‘Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?’. — M S

“I know the feeling of, ‘What's the point?’ Everything worth saying has already been said. And who am I to write about it anyway? What have I achieved so far? Ah, well... I guess it's natural. Good to know that we’re not the only ones struggling. ”

Dismiss the whole thing as being no big deal: “Anybody could have done it.” 2. Talk about all the things you did wrong while explaining what you could have done better. 3. Try to return the compliment: “Thank you. I think you did a fantastic job, too.”

I’m not a good enough writer I’m not charismatic enough I’m not competent enough I’m not confident enough I’m not courageous enough I’m not disciplined enough I’m not good enough at public speaking I’m not handsome enough I’m not inspiring enough I’m not interesting enough I’m not making enough money I’m not muscular enough I’m not patient enough I’m not perseverant enough I’m not pro-active enough I’m not productive enough I’m not smart enough I’m not taking enough action I’m not tough enough I’m not working hard enough My English isn’t good enough My Japanese isn’t good enough, and My memory isn’t good enough.

How to use the feeling of not being good enough to grow Not feeling good enough is a sign of low self-esteem

Identifying what triggers your feelings of inadequacy

The situations in which you feel like you aren’t good enough, and The thoughts you identify with (your story). Keeping track of your accomplishments

acknowledging both their shortcomings and their strengths.

Learning to accept compliments

It’s never a big deal. Everybody could have done it. It’s because ‘so and so’ helped you. I could have done it better.

the person who made the compliment wants you to receive it, not to flush it down the toilets! I

To go further:

Living consciously: I

Self-acceptance: I

Self-responsibility :

Self-assertiveness:

Living purposefully

Personal integrity: 

21 BEING DEFENSIVE 

Our love of being right is best understood as our fear of being wrong. — K S , .

Why you get defensive

There is part of truth in what you were told. 2. You believe there is part of truth in what you were told. 3. A core belief you hold has been attacked.

 There is part of truth in what you were told

You believe there is part of truth in what you were told

One of your core beliefs has been attacked

Whenever a belief you’re strongly attached to is attacked or challenged, you’ll experience an emotional reaction. 

What am I trying to protect here? Can I let go of that belief? What would I be without that belief?

22 STRESS AND WORRY

 Within every worry is an opportunity for positive action. In every lie, there is a kernel of truth. Behind every neurotic symptom is the misdirected desire to live fully and well. — D K. R , C L .

Taking responsibility for your stress

By avoiding situations you perceive as stressful, and By becoming better at dealing with stressful situations.

How you can use stress to grow Exercise - Make a list of your major sources of stress

Reframing stress

Is that situation stressful in itself? What do I need to believe to experience stress in that specific situation? What would I need to believe to reduce or remove stress in that particular situation?

I would need to believe: There shouldn’t be any traffic jams, and therefore, something is wrong. The traffic jam is a stressful event in itself. I should be where I need to go, instead of being stuck in traffic. I can do something about it.

I would need to believe that: A traffic jam is a normal event like anything else. I don’t necessarily have to experience stress just because I’m stuck in traffic. I’m here caught in a traffic jam and I don’t need to be there (wherever I want to go), for a while. I can’t do anything about it, so I might as well enjoy it, or at least don’t stress over it.

Dealing with worry

They happened in the past and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about them, and/or They may happen in the future and you can’t control the future.

Sorting out your worries

Things you have control over 2. Things you have some control over, and 3. Things you have no control over whatsoever

Things you have control over:

Things you have some control over:

Things you have no control over:

Taking one hundred percent responsibility for your stress and worries

23 CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU

How on earth can another’s thought about you harm you? It is your thought about his thought that harms. Change your thought. — V H , T P Y S .

You are the most important person in the world

When you’re twenty, you care what everyone thinks, when you’re forty, you stop caring what everyone thinks, and when you’re sixty, you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.

Keep track of your past failures Read everything you post on social media Remember your awkward moments Think of you (very often), or Care about you as much as you care about yourself.

Not everybody will love you

What people think of you is none of your business

How to use this emotion to grow Being overly self-conscious means:

You have a distorted view of the way people perceive you, and 2. You are attached to a self-image you want to protect. To stop being so self-conscious you must address these two points. 1. Change your interpretation of the way people perceive you

In general, people don’t care about you, and You don’t care about people.

Stop being overly attached to your self-image

24 RESENTMENT Even if we can’t love our enemies, lest at least love ourselves. Let’s love ourselves so much that we won’t permit our enemies to control our happiness, our health, and our looks. — D C , H S W , S L .

Resenting people

interpretation + identification + repetition = strong emotions.

Your interpretation of the event Your identification with the story you’re telling yourself about it, and/or The number of times you replay the event in your mind.

The danger of letting resentment build up

How to use resentment to grow

Loving yourself

Resentment will subsist as long as your need for being right and getting even is more important than your peace of mind. 

Loving others

The mind, conditioned as it is by the past, always seeks to re-create what it knows and is familiar with. Even if it is painful, at least it is familiar. The mind always adheres to the known. The unknown is dangerous because it has no control over it. That’s why the mind dislikes and ignores the present moment.

How to deal with resentment

Changing/reevaluating your interpretation 

Confronting the situation

 Forgiving (breaking free from identification), and 

Forgetting (stopping the repetition).

Changing/reevaluating your interpretation

Confronting the situation

Forgiving

You forgive not just because you have compassion, but because you value your happiness more than anything else.

Forgetting

25 JEALOUSY

How to use jealousy to grow

Jealousy can help you find what you really want

Write down who you are jealous of. Now, what does it say about you and what you want from life?

Jealousy can signal a scarcity mindset

What would it be like to support the person? How could I cooperate with the person? Why is that person’s success good for me?

Jealousy may tell you to solve self-esteem issues

Jealousy may lead to some of the following behaviors: Trying to control your partner: You may check your partner’s phone or emails or prevent them from going out to see their friends.

Testing your partner to see whether he or she loves you: You may expect your partner to behave in a certain way and when he or she doesn’t, you feel betrayed. This stems from the belief that you shouldn’t have to tell your partner what you want or need. He or she should be able to guess. Imagining things that aren’t there: You make up all sorts of stories in your mind by extrapolating facts.

Jealousy may signal you to stop comparing yourself with others

Compare apples to apples This exercise will help you compare yourself to others more fairly. Select someone you often compare yourself with. Write down all the things you’re doing better than that person.

26 DEPRESSION 

The hardest thing about depression is that it is addictive. It begins to feel uncomfortable not to be depressed. You feel guilty for feeling happy. — P W , .

You lost your job and have no hope of finding a new one to match your expectations. You’re sick and have no hope to recover as well as you would like to. You are divorced from your partner and can only see your kids once in a while. You have little hope of finding a suitable partner. You’re in so much debt that it seems as though you’ll never get out of it. You suffered a bereavement.

Depression is an active process

How to use depression to grow

Judge and interpret what they say Anticipate what they’ll say next, and/or Get lost in their thoughts.

Exercise: 

Meditate

Activity

Focus on others:

27 FEAR/DISCOMFORT

 Life always begins with one step outside of your comfort zone. — S L. A , .

Fear of rejection: 

Making a comment people could disapprove of Asking someone out and being turned down, or Sharing your work and being criticized for it.

Fear of failureFear of loss:Fear of disturbing: Fear of success: 

How to use fear to grow

Taking action

Without fear, there is no courage. 

28 PROCRASTINATION 

Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. — P P

Why you procrastinate

The task is boring The task is seen as unimportant The task is too challenging (or perceived as such) You’re afraid you’ll do a poor job, and/or You are habitually lazy.

How to use procrastination to grow

not living the life you want not accomplishing your dreams, and experiencing low self-esteem, guilt and unhappiness.

How to Crush Procrastination in 16 Simple Steps

 1. Understand what’s hidden behind procrastination.

Delegate the task Eliminate the task Reframe the way you perceive the task to make it part of a bigger (and more exciting) vision Restructure the task so that it becomes easier, and/or Just get started (see step 13).

2.Remind yourself of the cost of procrastination

3. Uncover your story

I’m too tired I’ll do it tomorrow I’ll do a poor job, and/or It’s not really important.

4. Rewrite your story

I don’t have time for that → I find and make time for whatever I’m committed to. I’m too tired → I have control over my mind and I have more energy than I imagine. When I schedule a task, I complete it.

5. Clarify your ‘why’

6. Identify the ways you distract yourself

7. Stay with the urge

8. Record everything you do

9. Set a clear intent behind everything you do

10. Prepare your environment

If you want to run, have your running gear ready next to your bed so you can go run right after you wake up, (after a full warm-up first, of course).

For computer-related tasks, remove all distractions from your desk and make sure you can access all the files you need immediately.

 11. Start small

12. Create quick wins

Allow you to form the habit of completing your tasks one hundred percent Increase your self-esteem as you accumulate quick wins, and Reduce the urge you have to procrastinate.

13. Just get started

5-Second Rule i

14. Create daily habits to support you

15. Use visualization

Visualize yourself doing the task: See yourself turning on the computer, opening the file and writing. Imagine yourself putting on your running shoes and going for a run. This type of visualization has been shown to increase the likelihood you work on the task. Try it out.

Visualize yourself having completed the task: How would you feel once the task is done? Liberated? Happy? Proud? Now, feel as you would feel if you had completed your task. By doing so, you’ll experience a boost of motivation that will encourage you to work on your task.

16. Build accountability

29 LACK OF MOTIVATION 

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. — Z Z ,

How to use motivation (or lack thereof) to grow

Knowing your strengths

Knowing your personality

Knowing what motivates you

Motivation comes and goes

Have a system that allows you to stay on track with your goals Build the self-discipline needed to do things when you don’t feel like it, and Have self-compassion and love yourself instead of blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life.

Feeling stuck

A simple 3-step process to unstuck yourself

Make a list of all the tasks that need to be done. 2. Identify one task you’ve been putting off. 3. Complete that task.

Closing open loops

Make a list of all the tasks or project you want to complete.

Set aside a specific time to complete them. Perhaps, just a few hours could allow you to finish many of these tasks. Or maybe you need longer. If so, take more time. 3. For bigger projects, in the next few days or weeks, focus on only one project until it is complete. 4. Reschedule, delegate or abandon some of your projects.