DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF AND IT'S ALL SMALL STUFF Simple ways to keep the little things from taking over your life (by~RICHARD CARLSON )

Don't sweat the small stuff and all its all small stuff by Richard Carlson 

Simple ways to keep the little things from taking over your life 

Introduction

1. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

2. Make Peace with Imperfection

3. Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't Be Superachievers

4. Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking

5. Develop Your Compassion

6. Remind Yourself that When You Die, Your "In Basket" Won't Be Empty

7. Don't Interrupt Others or Finish Their Sentences

8. Do Something Nice for Someone Else-and Don't Tell Anyone About It

9. Let Others Have the Glory

10. Learn to Live in the Present Moment

11. Imagine that Everyone Is Enlightened Except You

12. Let Others Be "Right" Most of the Time

13. Become More Patient

14. Create "Patience Practice Periods"

15. Be the First One to Act Loving or Reach Out

16. Ask Yourself the Question, "Will This Matter a Year from Now?"

17. Surrender to the Fact that Life Isn't Fair

18. Allow Yourself to Be Bored

19. Lower Your Tolerance to Stress

20. Once a Week, Write a Heartfelt Letter

21. Imagine Yourself at Your Own Funeral

22. Repeat to Yourself, "Life Isn't an Emergency"

23. Experiment with Your Back Burner

24. Spend a Moment Every Day Thinking of Someone to Thank

25. Smile at Strangers, Look into Their Eyes, and Say Hello

26. Set Aside Quiet Time, Every Day

27. Imagine the People in Your Life as Tiny Infants and as One-Hundred-Year-Old Adults

28. Seek First to Understand

29. Become a Better Listener

30. Choose Your Battles Wisely

31. Become Aware of Your Moods and Don't Allow Yourself to Be Fooled by the Low Ones

32. Life Is a Test. It Is Only a Test

33. Praise and Blame Are All the Same

34. Practice Random Acts of Kindness

35. Look Beyond Behavior

36. See the Innocence

37. Choose Being Kind over Being Right

38. Tell Three People (Today) How Much You Love Them

39. Practice Humility

40. When in Doubt about Whose Turn It Is to Take Out the Trash, Go Ahead and Take It Out

41. Avoid Weatherproofing

42. Spend a Moment, Every Day, Thinking of Someone to Love

43. Become an Anthropologist

44. Understand Separate Realities

45. Develop Your Own Helping Rituals

46. Every Day, Tell at Least One Person Something You Like, Admire, or Appreciate about Them

47. Argue for Your Limitations, and They're Yours

48. Remember that Everything Has God's Fingerprints on It

49. Resist the Urge to Criticize

50. Write Down Your Five Most Stubborn Positions and See if You Can Soften Them

51. Just for Fun, Agree with Criticism Directed Toward You (Then Watch It Go Away)

52. Search for the Grain of Truth in Other Opinions

53. See the Glass as Already Broken (and Everything Else Too)

54. Understand the Statement, "Wherever You Go, There You Are"

55. Breathe Before You Speak

56. Be Grateful when You're Feeling Good and Graceful when You're Feeling Bad

57. Become a Less Aggressive Driver

58. Relax

59. Adopt a Child Through the Mail

60. Turn Your Melodrama into a Mellow-Drama

61. Read Articles and Books with Entirely Different Points of View from Your Own and Try to Learn Something

62. Do One Thing at a Time

63. Count to Ten

64. Practice Being in the "Eye of the Storm"

65. Be Flexible with Changes in Your Plans

66. Think of What You Have Instead of What You Want

67. Practice Ignoring Your Negative Thoughts

68. Be Willing to Learn from Friends and Family

69. Be Happy Where You Are

70. Remember that You Become What You Practice Most

71. Quiet the Mind

72. Take Up Yoga

73. Make Service an Integral Part of Your Life

74. Do a Favor and Don't Ask For, or Expect, One in Return

75. Think of Your Problems as Potential Teachers

76. Get Comfortable Not Knowing

77. Acknowledge the Totality of Your Being

78. Cut Yourself Some Slack

79. Stop Blaming Others

80. Become an Early Riser

81. When Trying to Be Helpful, Focus on Little Things

82. Remember, One Hundred Years from Now, All New People

83. Lighten Up

84. Nurture a Plant

85. Transform Your Relationship to Your Problems

86. The Next Time You Find Yourself in an Argument, Rather than Defend Your Position, See if You Can See the Other Point of View First

87. Redefine a "Meaningful Accomplishment"

88. Listen to Your Feelings (They Are Trying to Tell You Something)

89. If Someone Throws You the Ball, You Don't Have to Catch It

90. One More Passing Show

91. Fill Your Life with Love

92. Realize the Power of Your Own Thoughts

93. Give Up on the Idea that "More Is Better"

94. Keep Asking Yourself, "What's Really Important?"

95. Trust Your Intuitive Heart

96. Be Open to "What Is"

97. Mind Your Own Business

98. Look for the Extraordinary in the Ordinary

99. Schedule Time for Your Inner Work

100. Live This Day as if It Were Your Last. It Might Be!

Suggested read 

Foreword 

Kristine Carlson (wife)

Before postive psychology and emotional intelligence quotient 

He would say, "no person is happy all the time, but you can get back on track faster with small adjustments to your thinking and attitude, with practice.")

 After reading 

you will have the tools to choose not to sweat the small stuff, and to live the big stuff-with greater happiness, peace, and big joy!

Introduction

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.

-WILLIAM JAMES

We lose sight of the bigger picture, focus on the negative

we are often compounding them. Because everything seems like such a big deal, we end up spending our lives dealing with one drama after another.

when you learn the habit of responding to life with more ease,

This "other way" of living-involves re placing old habits of "reaction" with new habits of perspective.

These new habits enable us to have richer, more satisfying lives.

going with the flow," and of learning to respond to life grace. fully, with ease.

helping them to approach life in this more accepting way

Each strategy is simple, yet powerful, and will act as a navigational guide to point you in the direction of greater perspective and more relaxed living

As we learn in the Zen philosophy, when you learn to "let go" of problems instead of resisting with all your might, your life will begin to flow

"Change the things that can be changed, accept those that cannot, and have the wisdom to know the differ- ence."

 I'm confident that if you give these strategies a try, you will learn the two rules of harmony. #1) Don't sweat the small stuff, and 2) It's all small stuff.

1.Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

We focus on little problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion. A stranger, for example, might cut in front of us in traffic. Rather than let it go, and go on with our day,

Why not instead simply allow the driver to have his acci- dent somewhere else? Try to have compassion for the person and remember how painful it is to be in such an enormous hurry. This way, we can maintain our own sense of well-being and avoid taking other people's problems personally.

if we learn not to worry about little things

you will find that you will have far more energy to be kinder and gentler.

2.Make Peace with Imperfection

've yet to meet an absolute perfectionist whose life was filled with inner peace

Rather than being content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong with something and our need to fix it.

life-the very act of focusing on imperfection pulls us away from our goal of being kind and gentle.

In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover the perfection in life itself.

3.Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't Be Superachievers

have had the good fortune to surround myself with some very relaxed, peaceful, and loving people.

When you have what you want (inner peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires, and concerns. It's thus easier to concentrate, fo cus, achieve your goals, and to give back to others

4.Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking

A powerful technique for becoming more peaceful is to be aware of how quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control

Needless to say, it's impossible to feel peaceful with your head full of concerns and annoyances.

If it's the middle of the night, write it down on a piece of paper and go back to sleep

To do list with alarm

5.Develop Your Compassion

Compassion is a sympathetic feeling. It involves the willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to take the focus off yourself and to imagine what it's like to be in someone else's predicament, and simultane- ously, to feel love for that person. It's the recognition that other people's problems, their pain and frustrations, are every bit as real as our own often far worse. In recognizing this fact and trying to offer some assistance, we open our own hearts and greatly enhance our sense of gratitude.

Intention simply means you remember to open your heart to others; you expand what and who matters, from yourself to other people. Action is simply the "what you do about it."

it can help to remind you that many of the things that you think of as "big stuff" are really just "small stuff" that you are turning into big stuff.

6.Remind Yourself that When You Die, Your "In Basket" Won't Be Empty

S o many of us live our lives as if the secret purpose is to somehow get everything done.

Sadly, I've seen many people who put off their loved ones so long that the loved ones lose interest in maintaining the relationship. I used to do this myself.

As items are checked off, new ones simply replace them.

The nature of your "in basket" is that it's meant to have items to be completed in it-it's not meant to be empty

nothing is more important than your own sense of hap piness and inner peace and that of your loved ones.

almost everything can wait.

If you stay focused on your work, it will all get done in due time.

I find that if I remind myself (frequently) that the purpose of life isn't to get it all done but to enjoy each step along the way and live a life filled with love,

7.Don't Interrupt Others or Finish Their Sentences

the tremendous amount of energy it takes to try to be in two heads at once! Think about it for a moment.

Remind yourself (before a con. versation begins, if possible) to be patient and wait. Tell yourself to allow the other person to finish speaking before you take your turn.

8.Do Something Nice for Someone Else- and Don't Tell Anyone About It

by keeping it to yourself you get to retain all the positive feelings.not to receive something in return

9.Let Others Have the Glory

attention directed toward yourself and instead allow others to have the glory.

Look at me. I'm special. My story is more in- teresting than yours."

The ego is that part of us that wants to be seen, heard, respected, considered special, often at the expense of someone else.

Just sey, "That's wonderful," or "Please tell me more," and leave it at that.

he or she won't feel in competition with you. The result will be that the person will feel more re laxed around you, making him or her more confident as well as more interesting.

the attention you used to need from other people is replaced by a quiet inner confidence that is derived from letting others have it.

10.Learn to Live in the Present Moment

To a large degree, the measure of our peace of mind is de- T termined by how much we are able to live in the present moment.

"Life is what's happening while we're busy making other plans."

11.Imagine that Everyone Is Enlightened Except You

imagine that everyone you know and everyone you meet is perfectly enlightened. That is, everyone except you! The people you meet are all here to teach you something.

Rather than feeling frustrated, ask yourself the question,

Why are they doing this?" to "What are they trying to teach me?"

12.Let Others Be "Right" Most of the Time

Needing to be right or needing someone else to be wrong-encourages others to become defensive, and puts pressure on us to keep defending. Yet, many of us (me too, at times) spend a great deal of time and energy attempting to prove (or point out) that we are right-and/or others are wrong

The truth is, all of us hate to be corrected. We all want our positions to be respected and understood by others. Being lit tened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart. And those who learn to listen are the most loved and respected. Those who are in the habit of correcting others are often resented and avoided.

A wonderful, heartfelt strategy for becoming more peaceful and loving is to practice allowing others the joy of being right- give them the glory. Stop correcting.

The people in your life will become less defensive and more loving

which is far more rewarding than a battle of egos.

13.Become More Patient

The more patient you are, the more accepting you will be of what is, rather than insisting that life be exactly as you would like it to be. Without patience,

You are easily annoyed,Patience adds a dimension of ease andIt's essential for inner peace,

yourself that, in the bigger scheme of things, being late is "small stuff."

Patience also involves seeing the innocence in others

you begin to enjoy many of the moments that used to frustrate you.

14.Create "Patience Practice Periods"

Improving your patience level is a great way to start if you don't want to swear the small stuff 

15.Be the First One to Act Loving or Reach Out

Let go let them right they become less defensive loving towards you 

Peacefully with yourself even they do talk you have done your part to create more loving world

16.Ask Yourself the Question,

"Will This Matter a Year from Now?"

Whatever you are dealing right now or happening but a year from now dies matter time wrap game 

17.Surrender to the Fact that Life Isn't Fair

reminded that every. one is dealt a different hand, and everyone has unique strengths and challenges.

The fact that life isn't fair doesn't mean we shouldn't do everything in our power to improve our own lives or the world as a whole.

You may be surprised that it can nudge you out of self-pity and into helpful action

18.Allow Yourself to Be Bored

sit still and do nothing

the feelings of boredom will be replaced with feelings of peace. And after a little practice, you'll learn to relax.

teaches you to clear your mind and relax

your mindneeds an occasional break from its hectic routine. When you allow your mind to take a break, it comes back stronger, sharper, more focused and creative.

19.Lower Your Tolerance to Stress

I have a very high tolerance to stress"

strategies to raise their tolerance to stress even higher so they can handle even more!

noticing your stress eath, before it gets out of hand. When you feel your mind moving too quickly, it's time to back off and regain your bearings.

As you lower your tolerance to stress, you will find that you'll have far less stress to handle, as well as creative ideas for handling the stress that is left over.

20.Once a Week, Write a Heartfelt Letter

Purpose is to express love amd gratitude in life 

22.Repeat to Yourself, "Life Isn't an Emergency"

Dont have to do immediately all goal achieve it will be done even you dont but dont waste and put invest your time wisely with family and time for self 

23.Experiment with Your Back Burner

Using your back burner means allowing your mind to solve a problem while you are busy doing something else, here in the present moment.

back burner of a stove. While on low heat, the cooking process mixes,

you don't want to turn the burner off. Instead, ycu want to gently hold the problem in your mind without actively analyzing it.

24.Spend a Moment Every Day Thinking of Someone to Thank

I think of one person to feel gratitude for,

I'm thinking of other things to be grateful for-my health, my children, my home, my career, the readers of my books, my freedom, and on and on it goes.

You'll also notice how nice and grateful people can be when you're the first one to reach out. When you see how similar we all are, you begin to see the innocence in all of us 

26.Set Aside Quiet Time, 

Every Day

quiet time to yourself is a vital part of life. Like spending time alone, it helps to bal- ance the noise and confusion that infiltrate much of our day.

It slows me down and helps me feel centered and grateful.

they enter their homes feeling much more relaxed.

27.Imagine the People in Your Life as Tiny Infants and as One-Hundred-Year-Old Adults

Think of someone who truly irritates you, who makes you feel angry. Now, close your eyes and try to imagine this person as a tiny infant.

we certainly don't want to harbor negativity toward others.

28.Seek First to Understand

less in having other people understand you.

understanding others must come first. When you understand where people are coming from, what they are trying to say, what's important to them, and so forth, being understood flows naturally; it falls into place with virtually no effort.

They needed to learn to stop interrupting each other and to listen carefully. Rather than defending their own positions, each needed to seek first to understand.

Today, they have a nice balance between spending and saving.

Seeking first to understand isn't about who's right or wrong; it is a philosophy of effective communication.

people you communicate with will feel listened to, heard, and understood. This will trans- late into better, more loving relationships.

29.Become a Better Listener

Slowing down your responses and becoming a better listener aids you in becoming a more peaceful person. It takes pressure from you.

You'll immediately feel more relaxed, and so will the people you are talking to. They will feel safe in slowing down their own responses because they won't feel in competition with you for "airtime"! Not only will becoming a better listener make you a more patient person,Everyone loves to talk to someone who truly lis- tens to what they are saying.

30.Choose Your Battles Wisely

It sug- that life is filled with

 opportunities to choose between gests making a big deal out of something or simply letting it go, re- alizing it doesn't really matter. If you choose your battles wisely, you'll be far more effective in winning those that are truly im- portant.

there are aspects of life that we like and others that we don't. There are always going to be people who disagree with you, people who do things differently, and things that don't work out. If you fight against this principle of life, you'll spend most of your life fighting battles.

A more peaceful way to live is to decide consciously which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone.

You might want to reevaluate your priorities 

there will come a when you'll rarely feel the need to do battle at all.

31.Become Aware of Your Moods and Don't Allow Yourself to Be Fooled by the Low Ones

Remind yourself, "Of course I'm feeling defensive [or angry, frustrated, stressed, depressed]; I'm in a bad

mood. I always feel negative when I'm low." When you're in an ill mood, learn to pass it off as simply that: an unavoidable human condition that will pass with time, if you leave it alone.

The trick is to be grateful for our good moods and graceful in our low moods- not taking them too seriously. The next time you feel low, for whatever reason, remind yourself, "This too shall pass." It will.

32.Life Is a Test.

 It Is Only a Test

Rather than struggling with your issue, see if there is something you can learn from it. Ask yourself, "Why is this issue in my life? What would it mean and what would be involved to rise above it? Could I possibly look at this issue any differently? Can I see it as a test of some kind?"

I still struggle now and then about my perceived lack of time, but less than I used to. It has become far more acceptable to me to accept things as they are.

33.Praise and Blame Are All the Same

Rather than feeling rejected by disapproval, you can remind yourself, "Here it is again. That's okay." You can learn to be pleasantly surprised, even grateful when you receive the approval you're hoping for.

I find that there are many days when I experience both praise and blame.

This back and forth, good and bad, approval and disapproval is a part of everyone's life. I'm the first to admit that I always prefer approval over disapproval. It feels better and it's certainly easier to deal with.

34.Practice Random Acts of Kindness

Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty."It's best practiced without letting anyone know what you are doing.

joy of giving without expecting anything in return.

It comes from the heart. Your gift might be to pick up litter in your neighborhood, make an anonymous contribution to a charity, send some cash in an unmarked envelope to make someone experiencing financial stress breathe a little easier, save an animal by bringing it to an animal rescue agency, or get a volunteer position feeding hungry people at a church or shelter. You may want to do all these things, and more.

Each act of kind- ness rewards you with positive feelings and reminds you of the important aspects of life-service, kindness, and love. If we all do our own part, pretty soon we will live in a nicer world.

35.Look Beyond Behavior

This doesn't mean that we walk around withallow others to "walk all over us," or that we excuse or approve of negative behavior. Instead, it simply means having the perspec-tive to give others the benefit of the doubt

36.See the Innocence

I'm not talking about accepting, ignoring, or advocating violence or any other deviant behavior. I'm merely talking about learning to be less bothered by the actions of people.

the best strategy for dealing with that person is to distance our selves from the behavior; to "look beyond it,

look for the innocence in his behavior. If you're compassionate, it won't be hard to see.

when you're not frustrated by the actions of others, it's a lot easier to stay focused on the beauty of life.

37.Choose Being Kind over Being Right

You have chances to point out to someone their mis- takes, things they could or should have done differently, ways they can improve. You have chances to "correct" people, pri- vately as well as in front of others. What all these opportunities amount to are chances to make someone else feel bad, and your- self feel bad in the process.

how we're right and they're wrong

if we point out how someone else is wrong, we must be right, and therefore we will feel better.

feel after you put someone down, you'll notice that you feel worse than before the put-down.

Luckily, the opposite is true when your goal is to build people up, to make them feel better, to share in their joy, you too reap the rewards of their positive feelings. The next time you have the chance to correct someone, even if their facts are a little off, resist the temptation. Instead, ask yourself, "What do I really want out of this interaction?

Don't confuse this strategy with being a wimp, or not stand- ing up for what you believe in. I'm not suggesting that it's not

okey for you to be right-only that if you insist on being right, there is often a price to pay your inner peace.

you must choose kindness over being right, most of the time.

38.Tell Three People (Today) How Much You Love Them

Tumility and inner peace go hand in hand. The less com- H pelled you are to try to prove yourself to others, the easier it is to feel peaceful inside. 

People are drawn to those with a quiet, inner confidence, people who don't need to make themselves look good, be "right" all the time, or steal the glory. Most people love a person who doesn't need to brag, aperson who shares from his or her heart and not from his or her ego.

He went ahead and shared with his friends, but didn't cross the line and turn the sharing into gloating

He was able to enjoy his success without bragging.

let him know that they were extremely impressed with his good judgment and humility. He received more positive feedback and attention from practicing humility-not less.

40.When in Doubt about Whose Turn It Is to Take Out the Trash, Go Ahead and Take It Out

Keeping track only discourages you by cluttering your mind with who's doing what, who's doing more, and so forth

" It will bring you far more joy toyour life to know that you have done your part and someone else in your family has one less thing to do,

Most of the time it's not important that you're right, and neither is it important if you take the trash out a few more times than your spouse or housemate.

41.Avoid Weatherproofing

weatherproofing means that you are on the careful lookout for what needs to be fixed or repaired. It's finding the cracks and flaws of life, and either trying to fix them, or at least point them out to others.

It's a bad idea in relationship csth yourself and seal your lips before doing it if they didn't asked first from you 

42.Spend a Moment, Every Day, Thinking of Someone to Love

43.Become an Anthropologist

strategy is geared toward developing your compassion, as well as a way of becom- ing more patient.

way of replacing judgments with loving-kindness.

When you are interested in other perspectives, it doesn't imply, even slightly, that you're advocating it

44.Understand Separate Realities

People have different culture thinking way of doing understanding see differently thjngs individual differences admit jt 

When we expect to see things differently, when we take it as a given that others will do things differently and react differently to the same stimuli, the com-

I encourage you to consider deeply and respect the fact that we are all very different. When you do, the love you feel for others as well as the appreciation you have for your own unique- ness will increase.

45.Develop Your Own Helping Rituals

If you want your life to The helpful to stand for peace and kindness, it's do kind, peaceful things.

of how good it feels to be kind and helpful

It's fun, personally rewarding, and sets a good example. Everyone wins.

46.Every Day, Tell at Least One Person Something You Like, Admire, or Appreciate about Them

vocally let others know about our positive feelings toward them

clerk defused the anger by re- maining calm.

I'm so impressed at the way you handled that cus- tomer." SheThank you, sir. Do you know you are the first person ever to give me a compliment in this store?" It took less than two seconds to let her know, yet it was a highlight of her day, and of mine.

Random act of Kindness compliment genuine 

47.Argue for Your Limitations, and They're Yours

Our minds are powerful instruments. When we decide that something is true or beyond our reach, it's very difficult to pierce through this self-created hurdle.

She had to learn to stop expecting things to go wrong. She needed to "catch herself"She had to see that arguing for her limitations was just a negative habit that could easily be replaced with a more pos- itive habit.

48.Remember that Everything Has God's Fingerprints on It

that everything has God's fingerprints on it, that alone makes it special. If we remember this spiritual fact while we are dealing with a difficult person or struggling to pay our bills, it broadens our perspective. It helps us to remember that God also created

the person you are dealing with or that, despite your struggle to pay your bills, you are truly blessed to have all that you do.

49.Resist the Urge to Criticize

Then we W judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person;it merely says something about our own need to be critical. 

Being critical not only solves nothing; it contributes to the anger and distrust in our world. After all, none of us likes to be criticized. Our reaction to criticism is usually to become defensive and/or withdrawn. A person who feels attacked is likely to do one of wo things: he will either retreat in fear or shame, or he will attack or lash out in anger.

I can turn my criticism into tolerance and respect.

50.Write Down Your Five Most Stubborn Positions and See if You Can Soften Them

The first time I tried this strategy, 1 was so stubborn that I insisted that I wasn't stubborn! Over time, as I have worked to ward becoming a gentler person, I have found it far easier to get where I'm being stubborn.

As he has become wiser and gentler, his marriage has im. proved immensely. Rather than resenting his wife for something she wasn't even doing, he now appreciates her restraint. She, in turn, feels his new acceptance and appreciation and loves him more than before.

51.Just for Fun, Agree with Criticism Directed Toward You (Then Watch It Go Away)

often we are immobilized by the slightest criticism. We treat it like an emergency, and defend ourselves as if we were in a battle. In truth, however, criticism is nothing more than an observation by another person about us, our actions, or the way we think about something, that doesn't match the vi- sion we have of ourselves. Big deal!

I've since learned that reacting to criticism never makes the criticism go away. In fact, negative reactions to crit- icism often convince the person doing the criticizing that they are accurate in their assessment of you.

I'm only suggesting that there are many times when simply agreeing with criticism defuses the situation, satishes a person's need to express a point of view, offers you a chance to learn something about yourself by seeing a grain of truth in another position, and, perhaps most important, provides you an opportunity to remain calm.

52.Search for the Grain of Truth in Other Opinions

Almost everyone feels that their own opinions are good ones, otherwise they wouldn't be sharing them with you.

Almost every opinion has some merit, especially if we are looking for merit, rather than looking for errors. The next time someone offers you an opinion, rather than judge or criticize it, see if you can find a grain of truth in what the person is saying.

If you think about it, when you judge someone else or their opinion, it really doesn't say anything about the other person, but it says quite a bit about your need to be judgmental.

You'll begin to understand those you interact with, others will be drawn to your accepting and loving energy, your learning curve will be enhanced,

53.See the Glass as Already Broken (and Everything Else Too)

54.Understand the Statement, "Wherever You Go, There You Are"

Something wonderful begins to happen with the simple re. alization that life, like an automobile, is driven from the inside out, not the other way around. As you focus more on becoming more peaceful with where you are, rather than focusing on where you would rather be, you begin to find peace right now, in the present. Then, as you move around, try new things, and meet new people, you carry that sense of inner peace with you. It's absolutely true that "Wherever you go, there you are."

55.Breathe Before You Speak

This simple strategy has had remarkable results for virtually This everyone I know who has tried it. The almost immediate results include increased patience, added perspective, and, as a side benefit, more gratitude and respect from others

The strategy itself is remarkably simple. It involves nothing more than pausing-breathing-after the person to whom you are speaking is finished. At first,

tween the two of you. No need to worry that you won't get your turn to speak-you will. In fact, it will be more reward- ing to speak because the person you are speaking to will pick up on your respect and patience and will begin to do the same.

56.Be Grateful when You're Feeling Good and Graceful when You're Feeling Bad

When you observe peaceful, relaxed people, you find that when they are feeling good, they are very grateful. They under- stand that both positive and negative feelings come and go, and that there will come a time when they won't be feeling so good.

This allows them to come gently and gracefully out of negative feeling states into more positive states of mind.

The next time you're feeling bad, rather than fight it, try to relax. See if, instead of panicking, you can be graceful and calm.

57.Become a Less Aggressive Driver

When you make the conscious decision to become a less aggressive driver, you begin using your time in the car to relax.

During the course of your lifetime, you're probably going to spend a great deal of time driving. You can spend those moments being frustrated, or you can use them wisely. If you do the latter, you'll be a more relaxed person.

58.Relax

Being more relaxed involves training yourself to respond differently to the dramas of life-turning

It comes, in part, from reminding yourself over and over again (with loving kindness and patience) that you have a choice in how you respond to life. You can learn to relate to your thinking as well as your circumstances in new ways. With practice, making these choices will translate into a more relaxed self.

59.Adopt a Child Through the Mail

Charity donation good cause for 

60.Turn Your Melodrama into a Mellow-Drama

Almost always, this takes the edge off my seriousness and helps me laugh at myself. Often, this simple reminder enables me to hange the channel to a more peaceful station. My melodrama transformed into a "mellow-drama.

The next time you feel stressed out, experiment with this strategy-remind yourself that life isn't an emergency and turn your melodrama into a mellow-drama.

61.Read Articles and Books with Entirely Different Points of View from Your Own and Try to Learn Something

looking at the world is the only correct way. We forget that two people who disagree with one another can often use the identical examples to prove their own point of view and both sides can be articulate and convincing.

You don't need to change your core beliefs or your deepest held positions. All you're doing is expanding your mind and opening your heart to new ideas. This new open- ness will reduce the stress it takes to keep other points of view away.

You'll become a more relaxed, philosophic person, because you'll begin to sense the logic in other points of view.

62.Do One Thing at a Time

When you do too many things at once, it's impossible to be present-moment oriented. Thus, you not only lose out on much of the potential enjoyment of what you are doing, but you also become far less focused and effective.

An interesting exercise is to block out periods of time where you commit to doing only one thing at a time.

try to focus only on that one thing. Be present in what you are doing. Concentrate. You'll notice two things beginning to happen. First, you'll actually enjoy what you are doing, even something mundane

Second, you'll be amazed at how quickly and efficiently you'll get things done

63.Count to Ten

When you feel yourself getting angry, take a long, deep inhalation, and as you do, say the num ber one to yourself. Then, relax your entire body as you breathe out. Repeat the same process with the number two, all the way through at least ten (if you're really angry, continue to twenty- five). What you are doing here is clearing your mind with a mini version of a meditation exercise.

64.Practice Being in the "Eye of the Storm"

The eye of the storm is that one specific spo: in the center T of a twister, hurricane, or tornado that is calm, almost iso- buted from the frenzy of activity. Everything around the center violent and turbulent, but the center remains peaceful. How nice it would be if we too could be calm and serene in the midst of chaos-in the eye of the storm.

You'll notice that by being in the eye of the storm, you will be more present. moment oriented. You'll enjoy yourself more than ever before. Once you have mastered harmless circumstances like these, you can practice on more difficult areas of life-dealing with con flict, hardship, or grief. If you start slowly, have some success, and keep practicing, pretty soon you'll know how to live in the eye of the storm.

65.Be Flexible with Changes in Your Plans

What's more important, getting what I want and keeping my plans, or learning to go with the flow?" Clearly, to become a more peaceful person, you must prioritize being flex- ible over rigidity most of the time (obviously there will be ex- ceptions). I've also found it helpful to expect that a certain percentage of plans will change.

you won't sacrifice any productivitybecause you won't need to expend so much energy being upset and worried. I've learned to trust that I will keep my deadlines, achieve most of my goals, andhonor my responsibilities despite the fact that I may have to alter my plans slightly (or even completely). Finally, the people sound you will be more relaxed too. They won't feel like they have to walk around on egshells if, by some chance, your plans have to change.

66.Think of What You Have Instead of What You Want

Take a breath and remember all that you have to be grateful for. When you focus hot on what you want, but on what you have, you end up get- ting more of what you want anyway.

Make a note to yourself to start thinking more about what you have than what you want. If you do, your life will start appearing much better than before. For perhaps the first time in your life, you'll know what it means to feel satisfied.

67.Practice Ignoring Your Negative Thoughts

This dynamic also applies to future-oriented thoughts of this evening, next week, or ten years down the road. You'll find, in all cases, that if you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fills your mind, a more peaceful feeling is only a moment away. And, in a more peaceful state of mind, your wisdom and common sense will tell you what to do. This strategy takes practice but is well worth the effort.

68.Be Willing to Learn from Friends and Family

It's sad, because often the people closest to us know us the best. They are sometimes able to see ways in which we are acting in a self-defeating manner and can offer very simple so- lutions. If we are too proud or stubborn to learn, we lose out on some wonderful, simple ways to improve our lives.

I have tried to remain open to the suggestions of my friends and family.

ask certain membersWhat are some of my blind spots?" Not only does this make the person you are asking 

feel wanted and special, but you end up getting some terrific advice

The advice he gives usually prevents me from having to learn something the hard way.its such a simple shortcut for growth 

69.Be Happy Where You Are

life was about to begin real life.obstacles were my life." This per- spective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

70.Remember that You Become What You Practice Most

Repeated practice is one of the most basic principles of spiritual and meditative paths. most In other words, whatever you practice most is what you will become

Likewise, however, you can choose to bring forth in yourself qualities of compassion, patience, kindness, humility, and peace-again, through what you practice. I guess it's safe to sav that practice makes perfect. It makes sense, then, to be careful what you practice.

This isn't to suggest that you make your entire life into a peat big project where the goal is to be constantly improving 

yourself. Only that it's immensely helpful to become conscious of your own habits, both internal and external. Where is your attention? How do you spend your time? Are you cultivating habits that are helpful to your stated goals?

? Is what you say you want your life to stand for consistent with what your life really stands for?

Simply asking yourself these and other important questions, and answering them honestly, helps to determine which strategies will be most useful to you.

If you remember that what you practice you will become, you may begin choosing different types of practice.

71.Quiet the Mind

Dascal said, "All of humanity's problems stem from man's P inability to sit quietly in a room alone."deep breathing, contemplation, and visuali- zation,meditation involves emptying your

mind. Usually, meditation is done alone in a quiet environment. You close your eyes and focus your attention on your breath- in and out, in and out. As thoughts enter your mind, you gently let them go and bring your attention back to your breath. Do

be gentle on yourself and to be consistent. Don't be discouraged

72.Take Up Yoga 

physical and spiritual both beneficial 

73.Make Service an Integral Part of Your Life

When you give, you also receiveAs you give more freely of yourself in your own unique ways, you will experience more feelings of peace than you ever thought possible. Everyone wins, especially you.

74.Do a Favor and Don't Ask For, or Expect, One in Return

When you do something nice for someone, just to do it, you'll notice (if you're quiet enough inside yourself) a beautiful feeling of ease and peace.

You don't need something in return or even a "thank you." In fact, you don't even need to let the person know what you have done

75.

Think of Your Problems as Potential Teachers

Problems come in many shapes, sizes, and degrees of seri- ousness,

Whatever problems you are dealing with, chances are they could be thought of in a softer way that includes a genuine desire to learn from them.

76.Get Comfortable Not Knowing

is we don't know what's going to happen-we just think we do. Often we make a big deal out of something. We blow up sce nanos in our minds about all the terrible things that are going to happen. Most of the time we are wrong. If we keep our cool and stay open to possibilities, we can be reasonably certain that, eventually, all will be well. Remember: maybe so, maybe not.

77.Acknowledge the Totality of Your Being

pretend that your life is perfect, or even hope that it will be. Instead you can accept yourself as you are, right now.

When you acknowledge the less than perfect parts of your- self, something magical begins to happen. Along with the neg- ative, you'll also begin to notice the positive, the wonderful aspects of yourself that you may not have given yourself credit for, or perhaps even been aware of.

I may not be perfect, but I'm okay just the way I am."Rather than judging and eval- uating yourself simply because you're human, see if you can treat yourself with loving-kindness and great acceptance

78.Cut Yourself Some Slack

. One of the most important pieces of this puzzle, however, is to remem- bet that your goal is to stay relaxed, to not get too worked up

it's okay. Life is a pro- cess-just one thing after another. When you lose it, just start again.

An alternative is to see your mistakes as learning opportunities, ways to navigate your growth and perspective.

No one is going to bat 100 percent, or even close to it. All that's important is that, gen- erally speaking, you are doing your best and that you are moving in the right direction.

79.Stop Blaming Others

When in doubt, it must be someone else's fault."On a personal level, it has led us to believe that we are never completely responsible for our own actions, problems, or happiness. On a societal level, it has led to frivo- lous lawsuits and ridiculous excuses that get criminals off the hook. When we are in the habit of blaming others, we will

blame others for our anger, frustration, depression, stress, and unhappiness.In terms of personal happiness, you cannot be peaceful while at the same time blaming othersCircumstances don't make a person, they reveal him or her.

This doesn't mean you don't hold people accountable for their ac- tions, but that you hold yourself accountable for your own hap- piness and for your reactions to other people and the circumstances around you.

Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is contingent on the actions and behav- ior of others, which you can't control. When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You willsee yourself as a choice maker.This means that you can also play a key role in creating new, more positive feelings. Life is a great deal more fun and much easier to manage when you stop olaming others. Give it a try and see what happens.

80.Become an Early Riser

An hour or two that is reserved just for you before your day begins is an incredible way to improve your life. I Sometimes I'll just sit for a few minutes and do nothing.

The fulfillment you experience more than makes up for any sleep you miss out on. If you must, tum off the television at night and get to sleep an hour or two earlier.

81.When Trying to Be Helpful, Focus on Little Things

Tother Teresa once said, "We cannot do great things M on this earth. We can only do little things with great love."

82.Remember, One Hundred Years from Now, All New People

What saved me from getting overly stressed and too uptight was remembering that one hun- dred years from now, no one will remember this moment, no one will care. I calmly took responsibility for the error and one of the people was happy to reschedule. As usual, this was "small stuff" that could easily have been turned into "big stuff."

83.Lighten Up

is to admit that you have a problem.

The next step is to understand the link between your ex- pectations and your frustration level. Whenever you expect something to be a certain way and it isn't, you're upset and you suffer. On the other hand, when you let go of your expectations, when you accept life as it is, you're free. To hold on is to be serious and uptight. To let go is to lighten up.dont expect from anyone exercise 

As you approach your day in this manner you'll notice how graceful life can be. Rather than fighting against life, you'll be cancing with it. Pretty soon, with practice, you'll lighten up your entire life. And when you lighten up, life is a lot more fun.

84.Nurture a Plant

One of the goals of spiritual life and one of the requirements f inner peace is to learn to love unconditionally.

So, we get upset and put conditions on our love: "I'll love you, but you have to change. You must act the way I want you to act."

85.Transform Your Relationship to Your Problems

True happiness comes not when we get rid of all of our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience, and to learn.principle of acceptance root of going with flow 

86.The Next Time You Find Yourself in an Argument, Rather than Defend Your Position, See if You Can See the Other Point of View First

Tell me why you think that's true." Don't say this with a hidden agenda or in preparation to defend or prove your position, but simply to learn a different point of view.

you're seeking first to understand.

87.Redefine a "Meaningful Accomplishment"

We spend Our lifetimes collecting chievements, earning praise and rerecognition, and seeking ap proval-so much so that we lose sight of what is truly mean- ingful.

types of accomplishments if your primary goal is one of happiness and inner peace.

If being peaceful and loving are among your primary goals,

These questions, and others like them, remind us that the true measure of our success comes not from what we do, but from who we are and how much love we have in our hearts.

Rather than being consumed exclusively with external ac- complishments, try putting more emphasis on what's really im- portant. When you redefine what it means to achieve a meaningful accomplishment, it helps you to stay on your path.

88.Listen to Your Feelings

(They Are Trying to Tell You Something)

Jou have at your disposal a foolproof guidance system to Yo navigate you through life. This system, which consists solely of your own feelings, lets you know whether you are off track and headed toward unhappiness and conflict-or on track, headed toward peace of mind. Your feelings act as a barometer, letting you know what your internal weather is like.

When you're not caught up in your thinking, taking things too seriously, your feelings will be generally positive. They will be affirming that you are using your thinking to your advantage. No mental adjustment needs to be made.

89.If Someone Throws You the Ball, You Don't Have to Catch It

Often our innerstruggles come from our endele to jump on board someone else's problem; someone throws you a concern and you assume you must catch it, and respond

Remembering that you don't have to catch the ball is a very effective way to reduce the stress in your life. When your friend calls, you can drop the ball, meaning you don't have to partic- ipate simply because he or she is attempting to lure you in. If

This doesn't mean you never catch the ball, only that it's your choice to do so. Neither does this mean that you don't care about your friend, or that you're crass or unhelpful.

The key is to know when we're catching another ball so that we won't feel victimized, resentful, or overwhelmed.

The same idea applies to being insulted or criticized. When someone throws an idea or comment in your direction, you can catch it and feel hurt, or you can drop it and go on with your day.

By answering the phone, you are willingly taking part in an interaction that you may not have the time, energy, or mind-set for at the present time. By simply not answering the phone, you are taking responsibility for your own peace of mind.

The idea of "not catching the ball" simply because it's thrown to you is a powerful tool to explore. I hope you'll ex- periment with this one. You may find that you catch the ball a lot more than you think you do.

90.One More Passing Show

The next time you find yourself frustrated at the lack of love in your own life or at the lack of love in the world

Instead, look into your own heart. Can you become a source of greater love? Can you think loving thoughts for your-

self and others? Can you extend these loving thoughts outward toward the rest of the world-even to people whom you feel don't deserve it!

By opening your heart to the possibility of greater love, and by making yourself a source of love (rather than getting love) as a top priority, you will be taking an important step in getting the love you desire.

The more love you give, the more you will receive.

As you put more emphasis on being a loving person, which is something you can control and less emphasis on receiving love, which is something you can't control-you'll find that you have plenty of love in your life. Soon you'll discover one of the greatest secrets in the world: Love is its own reward.

92.Realize the Power of Your Own Thoughts

If you were to become aware of only one mental dynamic, the most important one to know about would be the relationship berween your thinking and the way you feel.

The truth is, in order to experience a feeling, you must first have a thought that produces that feeling.

Unhappi- ness is the feeling that accompanies negative thinking about your life. In the absence of that thinking, the unhappiness, or stress, or jealousy, can't exist.

Remind yourself that it's your thinking that is nega- tive, not your life. This simple awareness will be the first step in putting you back on the path toward happiness

You shoo them away and get on with your day.

93. Give Up on the Idea that "More Is Better"

As long as you think more is better, you'll never be satisfied.

As soon as we get something, or achieve something, most of us simply go on to the next thing-immediately.

The trick in overcoming this insidious tendency is to con vince yourself that more isn't better and that the problem doesn't lie in what you don't have, but in the longing for more. Learning to be satisfied doesn't mean you can't, don't, or shouldn't ever want more than you have, only that your hap- piness isn't contingent on it

teven if you got what you think you want, you wouldn't be one bit more satisfiedDevelop a new appreciation for the blessings you already enjoyAs you de- velop this new awareness, you'll find that as new possessions oraccomplishments enter your life, your level of appreciation will be heightened.An excellent measure of happiness is the differential be- tween what you have and what you want. You can spend your lifetime wanting more, always chasing happiness or you can simply decide to consciously want less. This latter strategy is infinitely easier and more fulfilling.

94.Keep Asking Yourself, "What's Really Important?"

Reminding myself of what's really important helps me keep my priorities straight. It reminds me that, despite my multitude of responsibilities, I have a choice of what is most important in my life and where I put my greatest amount of energy-being available for my wife and children, writing, practicing my inner work, and so forth.

Despite the appearance of being overly simplistic, I have found this strategy to be immensely helpful in keeping me on track

I'm more present-moment oriented

This strategy can help you align your actions with your goals and encourage you to make more conscious, loving decisions.

95.Trust Your Intuitive Heart

Trusting your intuitive heart means listening to and trusting that quiet inner voice that knows what it is you need to do, what actions need to be taken, or changes need to be made in your life.

Many of us don't listen to our intuitive heart for fear

If you can overcome your fear that your intuitive heart will give you incorrect answers, if you can learn to trust it, your life will become the magical adventure it was meant to be. Trustingvour intuitive heart is like removing the barriers to enjoyment and wisdom. It's the way to open your eyes and your heart to your greatest source of wisdom and grace.

You'll find that when your intuition gives you messages and you respond with action, you'll often be rewarded with positive, loving experiences. Start trusting your intuitive heart today and you'll see a world of difference in your life.

96.Be Open to "What Is"

When we have preconceived ideas about the way life should be, they interfere with our opportunity to enjoy or learn from the present moment. This prevents us from honoring what we are going through, which may be an opportunity for great awak- ening.

try opening your heart and accepting the moment for what it is.

Make it okay that they aren't acting tractly the way you would like them to.

Ah, rejection. Next time I'll get it approved." Take a deep breath and soften your response

If you can learn to open your heart in the midst of the difficulties of daily life, you will soon find that many of the things that have always bothered you will cease to be concerns.When you fight that which you struggle with, life can be quite a battle,

But when you sur- render to the moment, accept what is going on, make it okay, more peaceful feelings will begin to emerge.

Gradually you'll be able to extend the same awareness to bigger things. This is a truly powerful way to live.

97.Mind Your Own Business

Ling with your own mental tendencies, issues, real-life prob- lems, habits, and the contradictions and complexities of life. But when you feel compelled to deal with other people's issues, your goal of becoming more peaceful becomes all but impossible.

This is not a prescription to avoid being of help to people. Rather, it's about knowing when to help and when to leave something alone.

I used to be the type of person who would jump in and try to solve a problem without being asked. Not only did my efforts prove fruitless, they were also almost always unappreciated, and sometimes even resented. Since recoveringfrom my need to be overly involved, my life has become much simpler. And, now that I'm not butting in where I'm not wanted, I'm far more available to be of help when I am asked or truly needed.

Minding your own business goes far beyond simply avoiding the temptation to try to solve other people's problems. It also includes eavesdropping, gossiping, talking behind other people's backs, and analyzing or trying to figure out other people. One of the major reasons most of us focus on the shortcomings or problems of others is to avoid looking at ourselves.

When you catch yourself involved where you really don't belong, congratulate yourself for having the humility and wis- dom to back off. In no time at all, you'll free up tons of extra energy to focus your attention where it's truly relevant or needed.

98.Look for the Extraordinary in the Ordinary

The reporter asked the first worker, "What are you doing?" His response was to complain that he was virtually a slave, an underpaid bricklayer who spent his days wasting his time, placing bricks on top of one another.

The reporter asked the second worker the same question. His response, however, was quite different. "I'm the luckiest person in the world," he said. "I get to be a part of important and beautiful pieces of architecture. I help turn simple pieces of brick into exquisite masterpieces."

They were both right.

The truth is, we see in life what we want to see. If you search for ugliness you'll find plenty of it. If you want to find fault with other people, your career, or the world in general, you'll certainly be able to do so. But the opposite is also true. If you look for the extraordinary in the ordinary, you can train yourself to see it.

The question is, can you? Can you see the extraordi- nary synchronicity that exists in our world;

To me, it's all a matter of in- tention. There is so much to be grateful for, so much to be in awe about. Life is precious and extraordinary. Put your attention on this fact and little, ordinary things will take on a whole new meaning.

99.Schedule Time for Your Inner Work

In the field of financial planning there is a universally ac- I cepted principle that it's critical to pay yourself first, before you pay your other bills-to think of yourself as a creditor. The rationale for this financial wisdom is that if you wait to put money into savings until after everybody else is paid, there will be nothing left for you! The result is that you'll keep postponing your savings plan until it's too late to do anything about it. But, lo and behold, if you pay yourself first, somehow there will be just enough to pay everyone else too.

The identical principle is critical to implement into your program of spiritual practice. If you wait until all your chores, responsibilities, and everything else is done before you get started, it will never happen. Guaranteed.

I have found that scheduling a little time each day as if it were an actual appointment is the only way to ensure that you will take some time for yourself. You might become an early riser

reading, praying, reflecting, meditating, yoga, exercise, or how- ever you want to use the time. How you choose to use the time is up to you. The important thing is that you do schedule the time and that you stick to it.

If you set your mind to it, you can find the time you need.

100.Live This Day as if It Were Your Last.

It Might Be!

We postpone the things that, deep down, we know we want to do- telling the people we love how much we care, spending time alone, visiting a good friend, taking that beautiful hike, running a marathon, writing a heartfelt letter, going fishing with your daughter, learning to meditate, becoming a better listener, and on and on. We come up with elaborate and sophisticated ra- tionales to justify our actions, and end up spending most of ourtime and energy doing things that aren't all that important. We argue for our limitations, and they become our limitations. Wish the

Treasure Yourself